So I'm pretty sure...

I'm starting to write actual content for a start-up called Make It In the City, and I'm using my Tumblr. So please continue reading here!

No!

Me: He just moved into his new place... I'd kinda like to see it.
Jason: Or at least the ceiling. Am I right?

The users win!

This popped up on my facebook homepage today...

"Don't Waste My Time"

You're callin',
You're talkin',
You're tryin',
Tryin' to get in.
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
Friend
*
Don't waste your time trying to fix it,
So save your breath, don't waste your song.
On me, on me..
Don't waste your time.
*
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend
Don't waste my time.

In other news.

So, aside from the trauma of the Ex, the party was sufficiently fun! There was a magician there who came over and did card tricks for us... He asked me, "Do you like magicians?" I replied, "Not particularly, but I slept with one about a month ago." Jason nearly spit his drink out. The magician replied, "Really? You're kidding! Shut up!" I said yes. We talked a bit more and it turns out he graduated from the same high school, and junior high school. Talk about a small world.

And in addition to meeting Ashlea Halpern and Allison Williams, I also got to meet Kate Lowenstein, one of the senior features editors at TONY. For a TONY geek (whore?) like myself, it was pretty exciting.

I also met an actress, who's one of the 'singles' in the issue, named Emily, who was an absolute sweetheart! And she's much cuter than her picture portrays - so any guys out there, email her! And Rob asked #17 how many emails she's gotten so far - over 100!

"I really hoped you wouldn't be here."

Once upon a time there was a girl who was pursued by a very eligible bachelor. Turns out this bachelor didn’t really have time for her – he wouldn’t tell her this and kept her on a very long leash. Around New Years, the girl got sick of this treatment and stopped replying to his text messages and emails. Admittedly, the girl has been incredibly upset over this ever since.

Last night was Time Out New York’s “Singles Party”… in honor of Valentine’s Day and their yearly singles issue. I had never been before, but I gathered my closest [guy] friends and off we went (or off they were dragged). We arrived at Poisson Rouge on Bleecker and Thompson, got past the velvet ropes and got ready to get our “chat” on. We snagged a cozy velvet bench in one corner and surveyed the crowd. Jason, being the gentleman that he is, bought my first drink [Hoegaarden] and so the intoxication began. While surveying the crowd I ran into Rob, a web developer from Time Out, who I’d had a semi-awkward date with the night before. I introduced him to my friends and went to survey the crowd up close. I also saw Alex, a guy I’d gone out with two nights prior to the party. I avoided talking to him – though I’m not quite sure why, he WAS a nice guy.

During my second Hoegarden, I looked towards to the door and saw my Ex entering. I’m not even sure I can call him my Ex but for the sake of simplicity here, I will. I made a decision: I would not acknowledge him, unless, of course, he acknowledged me. Jason convinced me to go talk to who we deemed “Tall Guy” who was currently being spoken to (a very broad term since she wasn’t really saying much) by a girl who couldn’t have been taller than 4’10”. Thanks to my 2 inch heels, I was measuring up to 5’10” that night. He was walking in one direction, and I tapped his arm and prepared myself to make conversation. I think this was the first time I’ve ever done this, and it went surprisingly well. Jason bumped past me, winking and giving me a nod of approval. All was well until my phone buzzed and I looked down at a text from the Ex. It read: “I see you! You’re talking to a tall guy! How are you?!”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “Why don’t you come over and find out?” and turned back to my Peruvian God and smiled. For economical reasons, I moved from the $7 Hoegaarden onto a more recession-friendly $3 vodka & soda during the night. I have a very low tolerance for alcohol to begin with – but vodka goes right through me. I looked down at my phone again and saw a text from the Ex saying, “I can’t! Tall guy! I feel bad interrupting.” I went to the bathroom and was met by the Peruvian God just outside, where we ended up kissing. I don’t even remember how it happened – he was a good kisser though.

In the next hour though, I ran into the Ex, also right outside the bathroom, and told him, “I really hoped you wouldn’t be here.” He looked disappointed. Good. He told me that he had thought of me recently when he saw my email address pop up in his address book. I’m sure. What else was said was hazy, but I remember that he told me he had moved into his new apartment finally; I told him that I’d gotten laid off, he frowned again to show sympathy. I saw the Peruvian God once more after that – but all my attention was, unfortunately, focused on the Ex. Jason came up to me around then, he had found his favorite flavor at the party: short & skinny Asian-American. I said, “Jason, this is Alex**.”

He looked at Alex and replied, “OH! So you’re fucking Alex!”

The Ex looked a little stunned. I covered my mouth to hide my laughter. Hey, I was 4 drinks in already. The Ex introduced me to Ashlae Halpern – an editor at TONY who put together the singles issue – and Allison Williams – another editor at TONY that I had corresponded with several times before. A little while later, Jason came back over and said he was leaving with his flavor of the week, and hugged me, telling me to go back to the tall guy. But me being intoxicated and liking a little cyanide to my cocktail, I stayed and talked to the Ex. Eventually I got my jacket and made my way out. I asked the Ex to come with me, but he said he had to stay to drive people home (he doesn’t drink, so he was sober). I don’t remember leaving, but obviously I did though I forgot to get a gift bag. I used this as an excuse to text the Ex and ask him to get me a gift bag. During my cab ride home, I texted him, “I wish you weren’t such a player.”

I know, I know. I should not have texted him that. I should really be banned from texting when I am inebriated.

When I got home, I cried. Not too much, just a little. It was a drunken cry, but it was needed. He didn’t reply right away to my text, which only made me feel worse. I had opened up too much again and he had free reign again to screw with me any way he pleased. I didn’t kiss him though at any point during the night; that’s good, right? I called Jason and he said to forget about the Ex, that I was too good for him, and that I shouldn’t be wasting my time crying over him. Before I went to sleep, Jason caught me on Google chat and told me again not to cry, that he wasn’t worth it. To take a direct quote from Jason, “He’s old and busted. Find new hotness! You have hot eyes. For fucksake woman. Stop!” What a good wingman. (Unfortunately he ended up getting turned down by his Flavor of the Week and went home.)

Nevertheless, I went to sleep, still crying a bit. I woke up around 5:30 and looked at my phone. There were two texts from him: “Player? Silly talk. I’ll grab you a goodie bag!” and “Still up, slacker?” at 1:45am. Calling each other slackers was an inside joke with us - don't ask. Even though it was obvious that, no, I was not in fact awake at 1:45am, I texted him back saying so.

I’m wondering now. If he does contact me again, I don’t know if I’ll be ready to let him back in. SHOULD I let him back in? Does he deserve a second chance? I doubt he’d realize that he was even getting a second chance. If I did let him back into my life, I feel like I wouldn’t be able to move forward (into a friendship, or whatever else) with him unless I tell him how much he hurt me. Why would I do that though? Would that be letting him not too much?

This is going to sound incredibly lame, but is he the Mr. Big to my inner-Carrie? I don’t mean in the sense that I’m going to marry him, only in the way that he could be that guy that I go back to and possibly get hurt by. Ugh, I can’t believe I just made that Sex and the City reference – honestly, it sickens me. I know I am NOT Carrie Bradshaw, let me assure you.

What’d you guys think?

**The Ex's name has been changed.

Talk about scary.

I had an interview at a boutique PR firm. I was really excited to enter the world of "power-bitches," I even bought a power-bitch suit on Friday. I looked good. I looked really hot. I put together a folder of programs I've designed, things I've written, recommendation letters, and my resume. My interview lasted about 3 minutes - if that. My dreams of entering the "power-bitch" world of PR were killed in 3 minutes as well. Read on:

She was on a phone call when I got there and there were three other young girls working there and her phone conversation went over, and then she had 'meetings' with each of her girls - asking what they were doing today. Then she went off on one of them, "You haven't done this yet? What'd you mean? Yes, you said you'd do it Monday and it IS Monday! I gave you this because she was flooded with work with the intent that you'd get it done right away! THIS is why I don't hire people right out of college! You think you're better than you are! You have one week to prove yourself to me. God!"

Then, 20 minutes late, I was brought to the back where her desk is, and I gave her my resume, reference letters, and writing examples. Then first thing she said was:

"Your resume means nothing to me. I only care whether or not you can do the job." OKAY. Next, "So what makes you ready to do this job? What that you did as a box office/finance associate at your last job makes you right for this? You can use Photoshop, right? You didn't use it at Boneau/Bryan-Brown? Then how'd you learn it? Okay, well I'll have to give you a Photoshop test before you leave. Okay, so what have you done? Have you ever pitched something? Do you know how to write a pitch? THIS [a letter from my folder] is a really poorly written pitch, I don't know who would OK that. Why do you think you can skip the step of assistant in PR and go right to being a junior publicist? (Um, because you were advertising for it, I applied, and you called and said you think I'd be a right fit?) Do you have relationships with any of the major newspapers? Thank you for coming in, sorry for wasting your time."

Whoa. I am shocked, and awed. And applying for other jobs.

Though my suit is hanging up neatly in my closet, waiting for it's next use for an interview that will hopefully last longer and go better.

This makes me feel smart.

I was thinking last night while at a wine bar [with Jason, Bryan, and a few of Jason's friends] that I really didn't learn all that much in college. It might be my own fault - not reading more, or taking philosophy or history classes... I wish I would've! Oh well. Forget regret.

But every time I'm feeling a little less than smart, I just remember that at least I don't believe that the Bible is truth. Then I feel a little bit smarter. The more educated you are, the less religious you are. Amen.

"How do you get those pants on and off? I mean, really, I want to be apart of that process!"-Jason

So, this holiday is stupid but... I have a date tonight at Yuca Bar, and then another date tomorrow night with a very cute boy from a magazine I like :) Not sure where we're going yet though.

Last night was loads of fun. I went to World Bar again - and Jason, along with his friend Bryan came a little while later (Jason lives a block from the bar!!) and we chatted and they scoped out hot Asian chicks... then around 1 we went back to Jason's place... around 2am, Bryan and I begged him hard enough to make cookies - which he totally did. Yay for drunk baking. Then we watched V For Vendetta until 5am. Oy. That's the latest I've been awake until for a while. I hopped a cab, with some cookies, and was asleep by 5:40am.

Jason has Apple TV, and MTV was streaming Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" video... I made it play about 5 times before the boys stole the remote from me. Hehe. The chorus of that song sucks - but the melody is catchy!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Wow.

This is huge, and fantastic.

Since I'm unemployed...

And I just remembered to apply for unemployment, oops..... I kind of liked this article, as well as this one.

"I'm the exception!" "You're MY exception."

Awww. So Lindsay and I saw He's Just Not That Into You this afternoon, and I can't think of a more perfect movie partner to have seen this with! We're always discussing our boy problems - many of which could be settled if we would just admit "he's just not that into me", but that would be FAR too easy! Like reading the book, seeing this new film version was equally as empowering. It made me feel better about finally loosing touch with the Art Director, and it made me re-evaluate current and recent situations. One thing that made both Lindsay and I laugh was the fact that the female characters in the movie all got what they wanted in the end! A bit misleading because I don't think that often happens (being the eternal optimist that I am).

As romantic and mushy the end of the movie was (see quote), I don't want to be anyone's exception. I don't want to be hurt and go through hell until the guy comes to his senses (I think that's what I was doing in the fall. Yeah, that worked out).

But like Ginnifer Goodwin's character, at least I'm putting myself out there and meeting people. If I were to just refuse to meet anyone, I'd end up like Justin Long's character would've.

I definitely recommend this movie, but NOT as a date movie! This is definitely a movie to go see with your girlfriends.

"Writing is a process...."

So yesterday, Saturday, Jason and I took in a matinee of the new musical, The Story of My Life, starring Will Chase and Malcolm Gets. In one sentence, it's a musical about an award-winning writer trying to write the perfect eulogy about his childhood best friend who has killed himself. It was different, original, touching, and entertaining. Both actors were extremely effective, with beautiful voices. The problem was, Gets looked MUCH older than Chase... which was confusing because they were supposed to be the same age. The set was a simple bookstore rolling ladder, podium, and book shelves on the wall. The show dragged in the middle, but it was then wrapped up perfectly and I feel as though you really got to know these two characters in the short 90 minutes that you have with them.

Jason enjoyed it too... yay! Jason and I spent the day hanging out again today, eating our way through midtown. First we went to Billy's Bakery, then onto Grumpy for some caffeine... after we ventured up to the 57th & 5th Avenue area for burgers (his from Burger Joint and mine from Pop Burger), and finally we ended up at Borders in Columbus Circle. I left soon after for dinner with my dad and brother who were in town for the Comic Con. Now I'm home and exhausted!

Tomorrow is my interview, and then seeing He's Just Not That Into You with Lindsay. Finally!

On the List of Things I Never Thought I'd Say

I find myself unable to trust men.

I think after the Art Director completely screwed with my head and lead me on in the fall - I am completely unable to take anything men say at face value. If a guy says something that should make me happy - I am literally unable to believe them. I assume they are saying it purely to manipulate my head and get into my pants quicker. If they tell me that they are romantic and a gentlemen - I interpret that as overcompensation and that they are full of it. Because who would come out and say that right away? I'm sick of men saying it instead of just showing it.

And after I sleep with someone - which usually happens too quickly - I shut down and can't allow myself to trust them anymore. I mean, all they want is sex, right? And they've gotten it, so.... why are they still calling? They want more sex, obviously. They don't actually care about seeing me.

What makes it worse is that I have very limited patience with men who don't show superfluous interest and aren't upfront about their intentions - which is ridiculous, but it's another fault of mine. A reader recently emailed me and we started talking, which led to him asking me numerous questions. This startled me. I immediately thought it was going to lead to some kind of mental manipulation, which led to me telling him I was done being interrogated - which he insisted was only getting to know me, but of course I can't believe anything he says - and I signed off. Shut down.

My date last night? It was very nice. He was a really sweet guy, and very, very cute but I don't think there was any spark. We want different things in life - he wants a big family, and I'm not even sure I want to get married. Why were these things talked about a first date? Who knows. Maybe that was a problem too. Maybe he was trying to scare me off, but I doubt it.

Basically, any time a guy asks me out, I immediately assume that they only want to sleep with me. That they'll say anything to accomplish that. It's awful, horrible, and disturbing. I'm trying to open my mind and myself up to new experiences, and I think it'll happen eventually (god, I hope), but it just takes work and I'm trying.

So, please, please, please be patient with me.

Sigh.

I'm out of a job again.

I improved on the things I was having issues with at least 98% and I was still let go today (as of last Friday, I was supposed to be re-evaluated NEXT Friday... I guess they just couldn't wait?). They looked equally as sad letting me go as I was being let go, and walked me out and did all but hug me before I left. They said they'd give me references or help me find another job - this confused me. If they could give me references and help me find a job - why were they letting me go? They said I wasn't a right "fit" for the job.

I've applied for around 20 jobs already. Does anyone know of anything? I'm willing to do just about anything.

men, honesty, casualties...

"You have a lot of negativity toward men, but you seem to have no problem letting them make all the decisions about your life. That doens't make sense."- Tim

I went on a very impromptu date with a very cute Columbia journalism grad student last night. We went to the Hungarian pastry shop on 111th and Amsterdam. It was nice, but I got weird vibes from him when he didn't text me the usual had-a-great-time text that I usually get. I texted him this morning and said, "I had a nice time last night but I don't want to wonder. Do you want to see me again?" and he texted me back a little while later saying, "Honestly? I don't see it working." I wrote back, "Thanks!" and I meant it. I should do that more often. It felt good to be blunt and get a direct answer.

It made me realize how much I hate dealing with men who aren't mature enough to say what they want, or ask what I want. I don't want a casual relationship - a fuck buddy, in lame mans' terms. I hate conversations that go nowhere. I have no desire to "hang out" with a guy - a lame cover up for a booty call - I'm at a point in my life where I've done enough of that (perhaps too much?) and I'm looking to get to know someone and date them.

My friend Tim, who said the above quote, is very right. I have such a bad outlook on men, ALL men, but yet I let them, basically, control me. It's awful. Well, that's over. Or at least I'll try harder. I'm sick of this rut that I've fallen in to since October... the whole let-men-lead-the-way mindset that I've been in. I feel like I had more luck when I was more assertive (honestly, could I have had less?).

I'll leave you all with this other pearl of wisdom that Tim directed towards me...

" It wouldn't hurt you to take some initiative and make some decisions about these relationships. You're 50-percent of it and you just wait for these moronic guys to decide what's going on..... You should assume more control and not wait for a guy to make a decision that will piss you off. If you recognize it's not working, don't wait for him to become a better person. It likely won't happen. Be more pro-active, instead of letting him dictate what happens in your life."

Sigh.

"Just so you know, you're speaking to a Greek Scorpio male. I have a Ph.D in emotional manipulation, and I know a player when I see one; and this guy is one." - Angelo

Every story, new or ancient...

So my stories have been pretty timeless. They happen over and over again - save for last nights little catastrophe. I was told recently that I write well and should write a book. Preferably about all the men (if you can call them that) I've dated (or slept with). Because my friends are regularly amused by my tales and think the general public would be as well.

So, what do all my readers here think? (Do I actually have readers?) Do I have the writing chops to write a book? And if yes, what should it be about?

Email me! thatgirlallison08@gmal.com