OH MY GOD.

OF COURSE the gentleman isn't ready to start dating again. WOW. Where do I find these guys?! Oh, yes, this was a set-up. I'll ream Tim out when he's back from London. He just called me and he said, "I really had such a good time on Thursday, it was a LOT of fun, but I'm just not ready to date again." Apparently he broke up with a long-term relationship at the end of the summer and it was a bad break up.

And he was almost the perfect gentleman. Of course he's not "ready." I didn't even invite him in! He kissed ME!

Four days? Wow, I keep doing better and better. Valentine's Day is looking bleak this year... I'm just not even sure how to react... Holy shit.

::insert dramatic music::

Okay, so, the date. I know you're all dying to hear whether I put out or not (just kidding, kind of). I'm proud to say I did not.

He came and "picked me up" (wow! who does that anymore??) at my building, and the bar we were going to was kind of busy, so we walked around for a bit, and apparently there are no other bars in my area, so we ended up back at the original one on 96th and Amsterdam. We had a few drinks, and bonded over our love of hard cider and expensive caffeinated drinks, among other things. He's a writer/editor for a law magazine, and he played baseball for like, 14 years in Jersey. We have the exact same views on religion - I guess his private Catholic school upbringing had an adverse affect on him! We both suffer from having little brothers, and he's 27. He seemed very genuine and sweet; we got along very well. He was a complete gentleman as well too, it was so nice. He walked me to my actual door a little before 11, and kissed me. I said goodnight and closed the door. I was so proud of myself. He texted me right after he left and said he had a great time and wanted to see me again.

Though I could've reacted saying, "wow, that was a little quick," I really shouldn't be shunning attention when the guy I dated in the fall barely even acknowledged that we were dating, so... it was nice! I have to admit, I do like affirmations. If you just tell someone how you're feeling, it's a lot easier. You don't have to guess.

But, erm... I'm not allowed to drink vodka anymore. I had two cosmos on the date and yesterday I woke up feeling REALLY hung over. It was awfully hard to get through the day. Maybe our next date can be sober.

And my dinner party last night was fun. I made wayyyyyyyyyyy too much food! I'll be eating pasta for the next two weeks. Oh well! It was fun. Most of my friends don't know each other but they all got along quite nicely. I realized while looking at the invite list that I am friends with mostly men. Geez. I have like, 4 girlfriends. Oh well, most of my guy friends are gay, so I can still talk to them about guys, heh.

Chris was the last-man-standing, and I read him a few passages from He's Just Not That Into You, which he owns and is afraid of reading, and after reading each, he rolled his eyes and said, "This is going to put all my bullshit excuses to rest! This is awful!" But... yes, it will put all your bullshit excuses to rest. Speaking of movies, I really want to see The Uninvited.

Happy "hump" day.

My friend Angelo and I were discussing this weekend the "slut-and-pervert" complex that men and women battle with. He said the men that are so scared of being labeled a pervert are the ones who never approach a woman, or become socially awkward. Then there's the concept that a woman who likes and wants to have sex - and doesn't necessarily connect it solely with love - is always, always, always going to be labeled a slut. And in my opinion, there's nothing, nothing, nothing we can do about that.

I have fallen into this trap many-a-time (have I ever mentioned that a nick name given to me by my two best friends from college is jewwhore?) and I've even let myself fall, mentally, into this trap. What he [Angelo] wanted me to understand was that it was okay to enjoy sex and want it. I know that. Believe me. And that I'd never get over that fear if I kept feeding into it by labeling myself a whore after being with someone that I actually liked, even if I didn't know every detail of their past (or their middle name).

My father even said once, "You can't say things like that," after I said something sexually explicit, and his friend immediately turned to him and said, "Yeah, with [my brother] you'll be able to encourage that kind of stuff, not daughters though."

I'm generally defensive when it comes to men, but it doesn't take a lot to break down that wall. After that wall comes down, I trust very easily (maybe too easily), though I always assume the worst after I think they've gotten what they wanted. Like with a guy I recently met, I assumed the worst and I think I've offended me because, as it turns out, he does want to see me again. Who'd have thought it?

I have a date tomorrow night, a friend of a friend, and I'm trying incredibly hard not to think that he just wants to sleep with me. We spoke on the phone on Monday night and he was very nice, and we had a nice conversation, and we've been texting since then and he's been flirty - but maybe too flirty? Once again, I'm having a very closed mind. I must try to not already have decided he's a "pervert" before we even meet.

It's funny, I "trust" guys very easily after they break my wall down - but in reality, I don't really trust [their intentions] them at all. And I never seem to be able to get to know them well enough to find out what they [intentions] could be. I think I should go back to dating more than one person at a time again, like I did in the fall. I'm not sure exactly how it will help me trust men more, but when I'm not fixated on only one man, I'm extremely happy [like I was in the fall]. Though can I reiterate that "date" does not me "have sex with"? Right now, I don't really want to sleep with anyone, not to mention multiple people.

Here's to my trying to start a new, better pattern. Wish me luck!

I didn't think people were this stupid..

I was talking to someone tonight and this was the gist of our conversation...

me: so their company is down to 5 people now.
him: yikes. damn obama
me: obama?! oh lord.
him: it's his fault he wants everyone laid off so that he can institute his muslim communist agenda
me: are you serious? you HAVE to be kidding me.
him: i just got sara palin's newsletter-- it explains it all. you should read it
me: okay, now i know you're joking.
him: about how the obama crew caused 9-11 and is trying to start another one.

WTF!!!!!!!!!

This just in:

I just signed up for NYCares.org. Though probably for all the wrong reasons. Oh well, let's try!

i can't think of a good subject for this.

i am a serious light-weight. i saw dominic for the first time in FOREVER last night and saw his new pad down on Houston Street, and then went out with him, Lindsay, Natalia, and Ivy and few other randoms... we went to Antique on 3rd and Bowery first, and then to Hotel Empire on 53rd and Broadway... that club was better, and had a REALLY awesome aerial view of the Lincoln Square area.

i need pasta now :)

A longggggggggg week.

Well, it all started with a late Sunday night, and a lazy Monday. The rest of the week was spent at my new job! I now work for a fantastic company processing amateur rights for plays. It's a lot more corporate than my last gig, but my co-workers are fabulous and lots of fun. One of them actually plays at Marie's Crisis on Monday nights!

I hung out with Lindsay, Dan, and Moises at the apartment that Lindsay's apartment-sitting for the week on Wednesday night, and then last night Lindsay hosted a dinner party! They bought the ingredients and I cooked! How sad is it when I'M the best cook in the place? But Italian food + wine + good music = fun!

I'm trying to get Jeremy to come with me to dinner.. and then I think I'm going to The After Party with Rhett? No cover also = good times!

I'm watching Made of Honor... it's cliche, trite, and EVERYthing I love.