Happy Halloween, for starters...

I was honest for a second night in a row! After the guy #1 asked if I was seeing anyone, I said yes and told him about the other one and asked if he'd ever be offended if I wanted to try something exclusive with the other guy [should it ever come to that] and he said absolutely not and he hopes that I feel comfortable enough to talk to him about anything. Both of these guys are fantastic. I slept so well last night! My anxiety is almost entirely gone, and it's all thanks to me... I actually cured myself.

"W" was pretty good! I enjoyed it. For anyone who knows nothing about George W. Bush, it's a LOT to take in, but honestly, and I hate to say this, who doesn't know who he is? It humanized Bush and gave him more layers than we have ever been exposed to before, and also made you feel really bad for him - the father/son dynamic... he has [seemingly] grown up feeling as though he's never measured up well enough for his fathers approval. It also gave me new respect for Bush Sr.

We got some very, very, VERY exciting news in our Staff Meeting today at work, but I don't think I'm allowed to say anything yet - not online at least, but my co-workers and I couldn't stop talking about it all day. When I am at liberty to write about it, I will!

I'll be down at The Crocodile Lounge (14th, btw 1st and 2nd], if anyone's in the neighborhood! I will be there celebrating my friend Nicks' birthday, with my friend Chris that I haven't seen in forever and he's bringing some people too!

Our actress who's playing the female Russian mobster just arrived at the theatre dressed as Little Bo Peep... hehe!!

I get an A+++!

... for actually saying what I wanted! I actually sat the guy down last night and told him how I felt about this past Sunday night, that I felt like things moved too rapidly, and I wanted to slow it down a bit, lay off the sex for a bit, and is this okay with him. His response:

"Of course! That's totally fine. Hey, I won't even touch you!" He smiled, and then put his arms around me and kissed me a few dozen times. I thanked him profusely during the course of the night, but I knew I needn't, I just wanted to emphasize how much I appreciated his response. We slept incredibly closely in his bed after that.

This has only made me like him all the more.

We watched The Strangers last night. The director and writer[s] did a very good job at building suspense, but the end was kind of a let down. They stabbed the two protagonists and did so "because they were home" and then left them to bleed to death. It still creeped me out though! Tonight I'm seeing "W." I'm looking forward to it!

Back to the box office...

Would a guy. . .

... that really liked me respect it if I asked him if we could not have sex for a little while longer even though we've already done so once? Reason being because I feel like I did it too soon?

Oh, and I'm officially an adult.

I sent away my first rent check and cable bill today. And I still have a really nice amount of money left in my account! I think I'm going to go look for a Halloween costume tomorrow or the day after... Any suggestions as to what I should be? I don't even really have plans but I feel like I should do something...

And I think I like him... I'm sad that he's not sleeping in my bed tonight.

Changes

I feel like a definite change of pace is needed until those people are not "making" me feel like shit. I put quotes around the word making because technically no one can make you feel any specific way - we feel the way we do because of ourselves, no one else.

I had a really lovely night [and morning] with the guy last night. We went to a restaurant on the UWS for dinner, and I had a killer macaroni and cheese. For one of the first times in my life, I was aggressive and he certainly didn't mind, though he admitted he wasn't expecting anything! Every time I think he's great, he reveals something else about him that makes me think even better of him [this is why I gave him a tooth brush that is marked as his now, hehe]. Am I starting to like him? I have no idea . . . I'm just going to keep taking it slow.

Obama's "closing" speech today was amazing. When he mentioned one of McCains policies and people started booing, he paused and looked up and said, "No need to boo! Just VOTE!" And that was it, I officially love him. He's above all the counterproductive shouting and hateful comments, something the Republican rallies appear to endorse quite a lot. I'm so ready for election day to be here and over with!

After work yesterday, I went for a walk through Central Park because it was gorgeous out, and I took my camera with me. I liked taking pictures of the sun. My walk ended down at Strawberry Fields. I headed to Crumbs after and got a cinnamon apple cupcake! YUM!

My day off today was great, very relaxing. I went back to sleep after he left to get to work til noon, it was niceeeee. I still have a bit of re-organizing to do, especially of desk stuff. I'm getting Elizabeth: The Golden Age from Netflix tomorrow, yay! I spent tonight after something I had to do at work, I came home, and found out some jackass called me fat because he found out I didn't find him attractive... so I had to do some yoga after that. We all have our insecurities. That one only effects me when someone says it - otherwise, I like how I look.

If I never hear the words "maverick" or "joe the plumber" again...

It'll be too soon.

I'm watching Palin's speech in Des Moines on CNN and she explained to her audience what a tax cut was.... Or was she explaining it to herself? Oh, and little Knocked-up Palin isn't there - but standing right behind Palin at the podium is a couple who looks no older than 17, holding a baby!

Yay! More successes from abstinence-only education!

AWESOME!

What happens on prom night...

Prom Night was so awful that it was amazing! I predicted every plot twist, every step of the way, but it was still incredibly suspenseful! (Yeah, that doesn't make sense to me either.)

I'm in the box office now - getting ready to open up soon. I'm trying to give away a bunch of my cookies to the cast and crew - I made too many!! I don't think I'm going to go out tonight again, I've got a full day ahead of me tomorrow [which I'm so excited for]. I'll probably do some yoga & crunches again, maybe meditate too. But if anyone would like to come over, drink some white zinfandel, and watch Becoming Jane with me, let me know!

I wish I could be burning all these movies that I'm getting off Netflix - does anyone have a good burning program that breaks the protection code off the DVDs? Please comment and let me know.

How did this happen?

I'm still harping on this! It's the first time that I've ever dated two men consecutively. I'm starting to sway away from over-analyzing it and just go with the flow and play it "cool."

Just to set the record straight - I'm not sleeping with both of them. The second guy (well, the guy I met second) had his chance to make his move on me in that sense this week, and he didn't push a THING. Isn't that amazing? A hetero-guy I know said that's a good sign that he probably wants to take things slow because he wants to see me again. Again, this is very endearing, but even the ladies of The View brought the subject up of taking things slowly in a new relationship and whether or not you should sleep with someone on a first date. One of them said, "What are you waiting for?!" I agree. Though I have taken things slowly before - but also, sleeping with someone right away takes a lot of the pressure and tension out of the mix. /end rant

Wednesday night was fabulous - I have about 30 new Beatles/John Lennon recordings taking up most of my hard drive and my date gave me a very new and very expensive toy from, um, Babeland. It was seriously a stroke of luck that we got on so well when we first met, and I'm very happy to have met him.

I've been trying to make plans for this weekend with people I haven't seen for a while but it seems their only free day is Sunday - the day that I'm already triple -booked for (work -> friend -> date). Then, of course, there are the friends that seemingly never have time for you, and never try to make the time to see you [or your new apartment] ever, and it leaves you wondering, "why am I even trying?"

Has anyone else ever felt like that? I'm hoping "this too shall pass."

I'm very excited for Sunday night - we'll probably go to an exotic restaurant on the UWS. His thing, knowing that I'm a picky eater, is to introduce me to new kinds of food - I think the next type on our list is Brazilian.

And I had a "wow" moment today. Last night a very old [not old as in her age, friends for a long time] friend contacted me about trading Subscriptions for each others galas and I talked it over with my boss and she with hers and things are set. Now, when we met when we were 14, did we ever imagine we'd actually be working and benefiting from our nearly-10 year old friendship? I would've hoped so, but I could never have imagined it actually happening. I'm very grateful for her to be in my life - and look, we both got to look good for our fairly-new bosses! SCORE!

I'm going to have a low-key Friday night tonight after I get out of work, Prom Night should be in my mailbox when I get home, and I have laundry to do, and I might actually getting around to doing yoga. I know, you're all very jealous of my awesome Friday night.

The Ethical Slut

I am, for the first time in my life, dating two men at once. The term "dating" should be taken incredibly loosely - I've gone with one 4 times, and the other 3. I'm starting to feel horrible about it because the one that I think might care (and I think I'm just over-analyzing things), I keep imagining him finding out and being completely crushed and feeling used. The other one I know is not looking for anything serious or committed and I know he's seeing other people - so I don't think he'd care at all.

I know I'm still just at the "getting to know you" stage of things, so why do I feel so horrible and guilty? I think I like this other one though... so much so that I didn't sleep with him when I had the chance. And he didn't push it either - which makes me think he likes me as well. He's very affectionate, and extremely sweet. I loved laying in his arms outside.

Now the other guy is also quite great - don't think for a minute that he's a jerk, because he's anything but. He's just not looking for anything serious, and until I met this other guy, I thought I wasn't either (I still don't really know if I am or not, to tell the truth). But now I don't know.

I'm 2/3's the way through "The Ethical Slut," by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. It's a great book; very insightful and thought-provoking. It really makes us examine the 'values' by which we were raised (the idea that you can only have enough love and time for one person, for example). And I thought it was a really great concept until I was presented with my current dilemma.

Please feel free to post your comments here, I'd love to hear other peoples opinions. In closing, I'm not sure my conscience is ready for complete sluthood yet, or ever.

NOT Carrie Bradshaw!

I unpacked a truck load of stuff today in my apartment, organized my books, and baked cookies!... No, you don't understand, I baked cookies from scratch which is amazing considering I've burnt everything from toast to Lean Cuisines. I've made slice&bakes pretty steadily for the past few years. I was feeling adventurous today.

Anyways - from posting the address to my blog on a few Live Journal communities came several hateful comments on the threads and then on my blog. I deleted the comments that were posted here - but after a confidence booster from a friend, I've decided to leave any further comments that are posted. But let me dispel a few assumptions...

*I am NOT trying to be a Sex and the City, or Carrie Bradshaw, protege. I mentioned and quoted the show in a couple of my past entries because it was relevant. I don't write a weekly column or obsess over fashion. In fact, I detest shopping. Though I do like Cosmopolitans...

*Pink has been my favorite color since I was 14 - I hadn't watched a single episode [of Sex and the City] until this past January.

*What do cupcakes have to do with Sex and the City? That picture was from a small article that I had in Time Out New York a couple of weeks ago. I like to go to different bakeries in the city - and I happen to love cupcakes.

I never stated in this blog that it would be detailing my dating life in New York City, or my advice on dating - in fact, my first real entry had nothing to do with dating, simply my love for New York. This is simply an outlet for me to write down my thoughts - and on my mind lately has been a lot having to do with dating. I have a long-overdue dinner date with my two best friends from school so I'm very excited for that!

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, and please keep on reading! Now if you excuse me, I have some cookies to go eat . . .

The Rules That Everyone Wants Me To Follow

... even myself sometimes! It's something that I'm trying to break free of. Some of the rules I'm thinking of are to "never call a guy first," or "call him back at least 3 days later," or "never kiss on a first date," or "never appear to available," or "wait at least 10 dates before sleeping with him!" ... the list never ends!

I've believed and tried to follow some of these rules while dating in the city - but I honestly think it's all a load of bullshit. I think that trying to appear "unavailable" or waiting at least 3 days to call a guy [back] is just playing games. And I don't think it's any good way to get to know someone. If you like someone and you want to see them or talk to them, THEN CALL THEM!!! Take a chance and ask them out first. The other person may be impressed with your forthrightness.

If you have no intention of getting to know the person, then sure, play with their head, fuck them, and then never think about them again. It's not a very nice thing to do though - ladies, if all you want is sex from them, I would tell them straight up. Most guys, especially in Manhattan, will never turn down a girl who says, "I want to sleep with you, so how 'bout it?" Women, though, are taught to be coy and suppress their feelings, so of course, we aren't supposed to say anything like that.

Next myth: "If a guy really likes you, he'll wait to sleep with you."

Now I think this is very much true. If a guy really does care about you and your wishes as a person, he will wait - probably as long as you try to hold out for. But if you want it too, why make him (and yourself) wait?

The other side of the coin is that if you "give it up" too easily, they'll lose interest right away, think you're a whore, you're easy, a slut, etc. I've slept with a couple of guys right away - one I'm still seeing right now (and he's totally cool and respects me) and the other one or two didn't work out, but we at least listened to our instincts, played it safe, and did what felt natural to us.

It just brings about a lot of tension when you're both preoccupied with the "what is it okay to do on the (insert # date here) date?!" and not enjoying each others company and getting to know one another instead.

If you feel the connection and the chemistry - I say to go for it. I've never regretted it yet.

Unconditional New York Love

My two best friends from school revealed to me this week that they might not be staying in the city once they graduate. This came as a complete shock to me. I was expecting us all be in the city together after school, and forever (ala SATC). But this is out of my control and as they are two of my best friends, I'm going to, of course, support their choices (as much as I may object) and shut my mouth because if that's what they want, then I have to support them, as nothing less should be expected of me and I would expect nothing less of them as they have, for the most part, always supported me. One might move because of job opportunities and one may move because he has found himself hating the city after being here for almost 3.5 years for school - and he doesn't want to suffer living in Queens after school because that's all he thinks he could afford. My disbelief and upset from this news comes mainly out of selfishness - if they move away, I wouldn't be able to see them as easily and as often as now.

I think I am the only person I know who has unconditional, undying love for Manhattan right now. There is no way I would ever move away from this city - not for a career or for love. Since I was twelve or thirteen, I have known that this is where I'm going to live, and stay here I shall until I die.

I think that New York City is the epicenter of the world, especially for the line of work that I'm in (theatre). How could you expect to make a living working in theatre anywhere else? Of course, I say all this knowing how very lucky I am to have a chunk of money to help me pay my rent each month - so that helps. But even if I had to live with 3 roommates on East End Avenue, I would stay here. Nothing will ever uproot me from this rock we call Manhattan.

To quote Carrie Bradshaw:
"If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, then New York may just be mine...and I can't have nobody talkin' shit about my boyfriend."

First entry...

After keeping a "LiveJournal" through most of high school and college - I decided to start a new, more "adult" blog here on Blogger.com.

For starters, I'm 22 years old, graduated from a university in the city in May, and now work for the Abingdon Theatre Company as their Business/Box Office Associate. I love my job and my co-workers, and it's an all-around great place to start out my career in theatre.

I'm going to write all my thoughts down and everyone can read it, or they bitch about it - either way.