OH MY GOD.

OF COURSE the gentleman isn't ready to start dating again. WOW. Where do I find these guys?! Oh, yes, this was a set-up. I'll ream Tim out when he's back from London. He just called me and he said, "I really had such a good time on Thursday, it was a LOT of fun, but I'm just not ready to date again." Apparently he broke up with a long-term relationship at the end of the summer and it was a bad break up.

And he was almost the perfect gentleman. Of course he's not "ready." I didn't even invite him in! He kissed ME!

Four days? Wow, I keep doing better and better. Valentine's Day is looking bleak this year... I'm just not even sure how to react... Holy shit.

::insert dramatic music::

Okay, so, the date. I know you're all dying to hear whether I put out or not (just kidding, kind of). I'm proud to say I did not.

He came and "picked me up" (wow! who does that anymore??) at my building, and the bar we were going to was kind of busy, so we walked around for a bit, and apparently there are no other bars in my area, so we ended up back at the original one on 96th and Amsterdam. We had a few drinks, and bonded over our love of hard cider and expensive caffeinated drinks, among other things. He's a writer/editor for a law magazine, and he played baseball for like, 14 years in Jersey. We have the exact same views on religion - I guess his private Catholic school upbringing had an adverse affect on him! We both suffer from having little brothers, and he's 27. He seemed very genuine and sweet; we got along very well. He was a complete gentleman as well too, it was so nice. He walked me to my actual door a little before 11, and kissed me. I said goodnight and closed the door. I was so proud of myself. He texted me right after he left and said he had a great time and wanted to see me again.

Though I could've reacted saying, "wow, that was a little quick," I really shouldn't be shunning attention when the guy I dated in the fall barely even acknowledged that we were dating, so... it was nice! I have to admit, I do like affirmations. If you just tell someone how you're feeling, it's a lot easier. You don't have to guess.

But, erm... I'm not allowed to drink vodka anymore. I had two cosmos on the date and yesterday I woke up feeling REALLY hung over. It was awfully hard to get through the day. Maybe our next date can be sober.

And my dinner party last night was fun. I made wayyyyyyyyyyy too much food! I'll be eating pasta for the next two weeks. Oh well! It was fun. Most of my friends don't know each other but they all got along quite nicely. I realized while looking at the invite list that I am friends with mostly men. Geez. I have like, 4 girlfriends. Oh well, most of my guy friends are gay, so I can still talk to them about guys, heh.

Chris was the last-man-standing, and I read him a few passages from He's Just Not That Into You, which he owns and is afraid of reading, and after reading each, he rolled his eyes and said, "This is going to put all my bullshit excuses to rest! This is awful!" But... yes, it will put all your bullshit excuses to rest. Speaking of movies, I really want to see The Uninvited.

Happy "hump" day.

My friend Angelo and I were discussing this weekend the "slut-and-pervert" complex that men and women battle with. He said the men that are so scared of being labeled a pervert are the ones who never approach a woman, or become socially awkward. Then there's the concept that a woman who likes and wants to have sex - and doesn't necessarily connect it solely with love - is always, always, always going to be labeled a slut. And in my opinion, there's nothing, nothing, nothing we can do about that.

I have fallen into this trap many-a-time (have I ever mentioned that a nick name given to me by my two best friends from college is jewwhore?) and I've even let myself fall, mentally, into this trap. What he [Angelo] wanted me to understand was that it was okay to enjoy sex and want it. I know that. Believe me. And that I'd never get over that fear if I kept feeding into it by labeling myself a whore after being with someone that I actually liked, even if I didn't know every detail of their past (or their middle name).

My father even said once, "You can't say things like that," after I said something sexually explicit, and his friend immediately turned to him and said, "Yeah, with [my brother] you'll be able to encourage that kind of stuff, not daughters though."

I'm generally defensive when it comes to men, but it doesn't take a lot to break down that wall. After that wall comes down, I trust very easily (maybe too easily), though I always assume the worst after I think they've gotten what they wanted. Like with a guy I recently met, I assumed the worst and I think I've offended me because, as it turns out, he does want to see me again. Who'd have thought it?

I have a date tomorrow night, a friend of a friend, and I'm trying incredibly hard not to think that he just wants to sleep with me. We spoke on the phone on Monday night and he was very nice, and we had a nice conversation, and we've been texting since then and he's been flirty - but maybe too flirty? Once again, I'm having a very closed mind. I must try to not already have decided he's a "pervert" before we even meet.

It's funny, I "trust" guys very easily after they break my wall down - but in reality, I don't really trust [their intentions] them at all. And I never seem to be able to get to know them well enough to find out what they [intentions] could be. I think I should go back to dating more than one person at a time again, like I did in the fall. I'm not sure exactly how it will help me trust men more, but when I'm not fixated on only one man, I'm extremely happy [like I was in the fall]. Though can I reiterate that "date" does not me "have sex with"? Right now, I don't really want to sleep with anyone, not to mention multiple people.

Here's to my trying to start a new, better pattern. Wish me luck!

I didn't think people were this stupid..

I was talking to someone tonight and this was the gist of our conversation...

me: so their company is down to 5 people now.
him: yikes. damn obama
me: obama?! oh lord.
him: it's his fault he wants everyone laid off so that he can institute his muslim communist agenda
me: are you serious? you HAVE to be kidding me.
him: i just got sara palin's newsletter-- it explains it all. you should read it
me: okay, now i know you're joking.
him: about how the obama crew caused 9-11 and is trying to start another one.

WTF!!!!!!!!!

This just in:

I just signed up for NYCares.org. Though probably for all the wrong reasons. Oh well, let's try!

i can't think of a good subject for this.

i am a serious light-weight. i saw dominic for the first time in FOREVER last night and saw his new pad down on Houston Street, and then went out with him, Lindsay, Natalia, and Ivy and few other randoms... we went to Antique on 3rd and Bowery first, and then to Hotel Empire on 53rd and Broadway... that club was better, and had a REALLY awesome aerial view of the Lincoln Square area.

i need pasta now :)

A longggggggggg week.

Well, it all started with a late Sunday night, and a lazy Monday. The rest of the week was spent at my new job! I now work for a fantastic company processing amateur rights for plays. It's a lot more corporate than my last gig, but my co-workers are fabulous and lots of fun. One of them actually plays at Marie's Crisis on Monday nights!

I hung out with Lindsay, Dan, and Moises at the apartment that Lindsay's apartment-sitting for the week on Wednesday night, and then last night Lindsay hosted a dinner party! They bought the ingredients and I cooked! How sad is it when I'M the best cook in the place? But Italian food + wine + good music = fun!

I'm trying to get Jeremy to come with me to dinner.. and then I think I'm going to The After Party with Rhett? No cover also = good times!

I'm watching Made of Honor... it's cliche, trite, and EVERYthing I love.

"Whoever said life is short was lying, life is f*cking long!" - Dani Super

I was helped to realize tonight that I need to start trusting my own instincts more, and asking for the advice and opinions of others. My friends mean well, but they aren't me. They don't know how certain situations make me feel and what I need to feel good about myself, and about other people. I think in certain situations I need to think for myself and trust my own instincts. I also realized that I rush a lot of things (okay, EVERYthing) in my life. I need to learn how to slow down.

So here's to trusting my instincts and slowing down.

WALL-E in HiDef + white zinfandel + good company = good times :)

USA's hidden agenda isn't so hidden..

I don't know who runs USA (the network) but I'm watching Bring it On right now, and they feel the need to edit out the word "shit" but not the word "dykey." What is that?? The word "shit" doesn't promote hate and prejudice, "dykey" does.

Whoever edits these things needs to be slapped.

To do today: shower, go to the gym, pay bills, pick out outfit for tomorrow (first day of work!), write!

(is it awful if I'm a sucker for magic tricks?)

quote from the real world: brooklyn that i love..

"so the lame bus just pulled into the kitchen, and dropped off yet another lame conversation." - ryan

Male/Female English.

The man's guide to female English:

* We need = I want
* It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
* We need to talk = I need to complain
* Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
* I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
* You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
* I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
* I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
* Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
* Yes = No
* No = No
* Maybe = No
* I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry


Women's guide to male English

* "I’m hungry" = I’m hungry
* "I’m sleepy" = I’m sleepy
* "I’m tired" = I’m tired
* "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Can I call you sometime?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "May I have this dance?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
* "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I’d like to have sex with you
* "What’s wrong?" = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this
* "What’s wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
* "What’s wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
* "I’m bored" = Do you want to have sex?
* "I love you" = Let’s have sex now
* "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
* "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before
* "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
* "Let’s talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
* "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
* "I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

The Real World: Brooklyn

The past few seasons, of which I've barely watched any, have been awful, absolutely awful. This season has a really interesting cast, in a really interesting city. But I will pass judgment on my least favorite roommate, Scott. God, he's the epitome of a brainless meat head. Who knows, maybe he'll surprise everyone.

That's all.

My ex once told me...

That when you donate blood, they test a large amount of a bunch of different people's blood mixed together, so they wouldn't be able to notify you if your blood was HIV+. His reasoning, blood is free, testing equipment isn't.

I had a physical today and the doctor told me that that absolutely wasn't true. Just incase any of my readers date my ex and is told this as well, I wanted to clear up any misconceptions.

I caught up on the phone with one of my very good friends from high school tonight, Jacque. I hadn't spoken to her in a few months, it was so very good to hear from her. I missed her!

This year..

I want a date for Valentine's Day.

In past years (ALL of them actually), I have never wanted one but I do this year. I couldn't tell you why. I could've had a guy named Dan last year who I'd gone on several dates with, but the chemistry wasn't there. Where are the single guys??

Dive Bar, NYC

So, yesterday, though my friends weren't available to celebrate [my getting a new job], I took myself out for a drink. I ended up at Dive Bar, on 96th and Amsterdam. It wasn't NEARLY as seedy as I thought it would be. The bartender was a sweetheart, and the bar was downright CHEAP. I had dinner for $6. I talked to this technology financier who was sitting next to me for a while. I honestly don't remember his name (though he lives a block away from me, so I'll probably end up seeing him EVERYWHERE now), and unfortunately, he was very boring.

It's snowing again today, so I'm in my apartment and warm :) Tonight I'm going to the Sage Theatre to watch a comedy show at 10pm... ooh! I don't know when, if ever, I've been a comedy show. Hey, it's free! Oh, I also have The Terminal and Requiem For a Dream from Netflix. I'm excited to see both of those, especially the latter.

Decisions, decisions.

I had two great interviews this week. Let's cross our fingers!

The best day all week.

So, by 1pm this afternoon, I had two interviews lined up for two great jobs next week. I was so excited! And I'm getting a call sometime next week to meet with a prominent casting director to talk about my options. Then I went to the Met, by accident, until I realized that they Pour Your Body exhibit was at the MoMA where I made my way afterwards.

The exhibit was amazing; I felt like I was tripping on ecstasy (though I've never taken ecstasy) with the projections, colors, and unique music. It was kind of the that part of Across the Universe where they're at the book release party and Bono sings I Am the Walrus. I read and people watched for a while. I went to Crumbs after and had a very yummy red velvet cupcake.

At 7:55, Amy and I took in a showing of Bride Wars. It felt like there were scenes cut out from the movie, like explaining about Kate Hudson's family for example, that should've been in it. It was just lacking. All in all, it was cute and touching, but probably not worth $12. They repeated something that has given women around the world unrealistic expectations about their wedding day:

"A wedding day is the most important day in a woman's life."

Um, excuse me? This gives unrealistic expectations to women everywhere. People should go back to having marriages, not weddings. Say your vows and eat some cake, save your $100k for something more lasting.

Today was a good day :)

Exes That You Can't Stand

So, my ex from my senior year of high school (and into my freshmen year of college). He's the ultimate asshole. Don't ask me why I dated him for a year and a half. That's irrelevant though. After him I became serial non-monogamist (hah, can you tell how [not] great in bed he was?) and he became the exact opposite. His last girlfriend of nearly three years, he cheated on with three girls - she only found out about two of them. Poor girl. After that girlfriends' mother got them both summer internships at JP Morgan, he became the ultimate super-boring, money-obsessed banker; actually, I believe he works in mortgages. He stayed on as a part-time employee after the summer and has since sold his soul to Satan for the bottom line.

I haven't heard from him in months, probably because I hadn't texted him, and I hadn't wanted to or even thought of him in those months, until I got a text from him tonight while on my way to the movies:

"So, I was going to leave JPM, but they doubled my salary instead. I'M RICH, BIATCH!"

Needless to say, I was not impressed. I guess he was expecting me to say that I was oh-so-thrilled that the greedy sons-of-bitches who drove this economy into the ground (and in return, cost me my job) are being rewarded oh-so greatly. Anyone who knows me knows I don't fake anything, especially not congratulations that are NOT in order and I didn't in this case either. In the end, I told him I was sad for him that the only way he could validate his accomplishments was to gloat about them to me. He still hasn't answered. Good riddance.

I try not to be negative on this blog, but I felt this had to be said.

"I wanna be with a guy who wants to be with me." - Whitney Porte

Thank you, Whitney, for summarizing my feelings for me perfectly.

Did I ever mention...

I get discouraged easily? I haven't gotten a positive call in reply to my resume frenzy.... so I am very discouraged. I know, I know, it's been one day, but still. But while I'm not job-hunting, I have some other things to look forward to..

Wednesday night: plans with Adam (who I referred to on here once as Aaron)
Thursday afternoon: coffee with a friend
Friday night: Bride Wars with Amy in Lincoln Square.
Next Tuesday: Morning: Meeting with Jed
Afternoon: [Free] Haircut at Bumble and Bumble model school!

I got two new movies off Netflix today, and I went to the gym in my building twice.

This detox that I'm doing is ridiculous. Though I can eat, I'm eating a lot of carrots, cucumbers, and rice and I'm STILL hungry. If I can get through most of the day tomorrow, and Adam and I go out to eat or something, I'll end it then. Being on the fast has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. Not being able to eat normal things has kept me in the house applying for jobs and not spending money (which is good and bad), though staying in the house, applying for jobs, would usually result in me eating a lot of crap and I can't do that now.

That sounds confusing, but it's both good and bad. I can tell you right now though, I'm hungry.

Plus...

a producer friend, Boneau/Bryan-Brown, Dan T/Off-Broadway Booking, 2 positions at Simon and Schuster, 321 Theatrical Management, American Theatre Wing, and a few talent agencies....

Back to square one.

No, I'm not referring to guys, I'm referring to my career. As of 10:15am, I became unemployed. They said they didn't want to do it earlier so as not to "ruin my holiday," but I wish they would have. There were two great jobs open a few weeks ago that no longer are (yes, I've checked). BUT I spent the afternoon sending out my resume to people I've interned for, people I know in the industry, people who might know other people in the industry, personal friends... This is who I ended up sending resumes to:

Samuel French, MTI, The Araca Group, Barlow-Hartman, Allied Live, HHC Marketing, Jed Bernstein, Ken Davenport, Theatre Mania, Time Out New York, The Road Company (former internship), The Broadway League (former internship), Andy Hammingson/The Public Theatre, Atlantic Theatre Company/Neil Pepe (former internship), Keith Sherman & Associates (Keith himself wrote back!), Actors Equity Association (where I was also offered a job), The Shubert Organization (where I was offered a 2nd interview), Plumm Benefits, The Signature Theatre, Randi Grossman/Max Merchandise, Eliran Murphy Group, Theatre Communication Group, Marquee Merchandise, Conde Nast....

24. Not bad for a few hours, huh? And also a few personal friends and family members, one of whom introduced me to an employee at MTI - to whom I spoke on the phone with tonight and he was really, really nice! I look forward to meeting him in a couple of weeks. Tomorrow I'm calling the Dodgers. Wish me luck!

there are good guys out there.

in response to my text (about how i wanted to cry because of said-guy), he wrote back: ugh, he doesn't deserve you.

it was nice to hear coming from someone that doesn't need to say it, or benefit any from saying it.

Coke.

"The younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced."
"What about my parents? They were 18 when they got married!"
"That was different. That was the 80's, everyone was all coked out and no one really knew what they were doing."
- The Secret Life of the American Teenager

just incase..

you think i don't see a lot of theatre... i was organizing my playbills today. 15 years of playbills:



on my playbills, i found signatures of: Maureen McGovern, Jeff Goldblum, Patrick Stewart, Douglas Sills, Rob Bartlett, Pablo Schreiber, Anna Paquin, Kieran Culkin, Dennis Hopper, Grant Shaud, Harvey Fierstein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Natasha Richardson, John C. Reilly, Christina Applegate, Sebastian Bach, Didi Conn, Vanessa Williams, Alan Menken, Alfred Molina, Julia Stiles, Billy Crudup, Idina Menzel, Stephen Lynch, Joanna Gleason, Maria Friedman, Michael Ball, Kristin Chenoweth, Delta Burke, Christine Ebersole, Rebecca Gayheart, Marsha Mason, Frances Sternhagen, Bill Irwin, Jai Rodriguez, Lea Salonga, Neil Patrick Harris, Mario Catone, Mary Catherine Garrison, Roger Bart, Susan Lucci, Susan Egan, Mark Hamil, Polly Bergen, Jennifer Garner, Richard Griffiths, Julianne Moore, Bill Nigh, Marin Mazzie, Brian Stokes Mitchelle, Orlando Bloom, Julia Roberts, Paul Rudd, Matthew Broderick, Raul Esparza.....

Just FYI for all the guys who read this..

(I don't think any guys do read this but just incase...)

this just in:

I date losers!

Double-feature day.

Yesterday I indulged myself and saw two plays that I'd been wanting to see for quite some time, but have been too lazy to actually get out to. Now, logical folk would've said, "wait until it's not tourist season!" but not me! I took in a matinee of Speed the Plow, by David Mamet, and Equus, by Peter Shaffer, at night.

I had a great center orchestra aisle seat for Speed the Plow and I was incredibly excited to see Norbert Leo Butz in the role left vacant last month by Jeremy Piven. The show was about the head of production at a movie studio in LA and his inner conflict in which of two movies to produce. It was filled with quick & witty dialogue, and very humor. All in all, I loved it. And special mention goes to Norbert Leo Butz for being so amazing in a role after about 15 minutes of rehearsal!

Equus was slower and definitely more serious. It was about a boy who finds himself in a psychiatric institution after he blinds 6 horses. I definitely enjoyed the second act more than the 1st, though. Daniel Radcliffe and Richard Griffiths were both fantastic. The following is a picture of the crowd of people that wait across the street after the show for Daniel Radcliffe to come out. It's absolutely ridiculous!

Shows I want to see..

There are a bunch of shows I want to see while I've been slacking this fall... here they are in no particular order:

All My Sons - closes January 11th
Billy Elliot - open ended
Shrek the Musical - open ended

I would've liked to have seen Boeing-Boeing and 13 the musical but they both close tomorrow, soo...

There are so many shows opening in the spring that I want to see...
Hair - previews 3/31
Guys and Dolls - previews 2/3
Hedda Gabbler - previews 1/6
You're Welcome, America.... - previews 1/20

I need to start taking more chances again!

A photo from last night...

Happy New Year!

So, even though I was upset over the guy, I got over and started the night over at World Bar (48th and 1st) where Lindsay was finishing up working, and then we headed down to Zum Schneider on East 7th and Avenue C.

I'd never heard of it before, but it's like a German beer hall in Alphabet City! I reconnected with some people from high school that I haven't seen since, which was nice. I could've chosen to continue to hold the grudge from the end of my senior year, but I'm awful at holding grudges and it was a new year, so I let it go. I had a stein (one liter) of Haufbrahaus specialty brew and a glass of champagne. It made me think of Munich... and I stole the stein!

I went home around 1:30am-ish and crossed the street to get a cab in the right direction and overheard two guys getting in a cab going to the Upper East Side, so I jumped in with them. They were totally stunned and like, "Who is this girl??" but it was cool and they invited me out with them, but I wanted to get home. One of them was named Brad...

It was a good night. Here are my resolutions:

1) Eat more fruits and vegetables
2) Use the gym in my building
3) Read all the books I got for Christmas
4) Don't settle for guys who aren't worth it
5) Stop stressing and get over current guy.