My cousin is WISE.

My cousin (well, technically first-cousin-once-removed) is closing in on 60 years old and a very good friend of mine, she is completely wise and awesome! I was emailing with her today and here are a few things she said...

if you are constantly agitating, then you are the one who is expressing disapproval . . .

then...

well, injecting drama into things serves a couple of purposes (again, a 'couple' among many once you start excavating your own particular brainscape, i'm sure you'll find others):

*the first thing that drama does is that it puts YOU at the center of, well, everything. makes you very important. it's kind of like emotional job security

*the other thing it does is it keeps you from (actually it ROBS you) of the NOW experience of the other person and the potential of the relationship since you are so actively involved in authoring this drama about what you're not getting . . .

*it denies others' realities and disappears them as people who have to be dealt with PERSONALLY . . . they just become characters in YOUR DRAMA

*it's a great defense mechanism . . . but, like all defense mechanisms, while you think it's helping you to stay unharmed, it's also keeping you from learning anything. if you spend your energy wrapped in your own story, you'll never be available to get value from anyone else's.

and lastly:

no the 'rap' on wanting the attention on you is not that it's selfish (i don't think there's anything wrong with being selfish)

the problem with creating drama so you can be at the eye of the storm is that YOU'RE MAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING SCENARIO . . . shit's all in your head . . . so, yes, you get

to be the STAR of your drama but then you totally miss the other people - and the potential for how knowing them can grow you -

and that's important because without growth one NEVER questions one's assumptions and if you don't question your assumptions you START TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR BULLSHIT
DRAMA is the real deal . . .

Wisdom to think about.