No one is alone.

The weather in New York is freezing and wet, but I went to the Shake Shack & Duane Reade anyways. I bought this weeks' issue of New York Magazine (as seen above). 1 in every 2 New Yorkers live alone, but we are no where near as lonely as you would think. In fact, it said that people who live in small towns are much lonelier than urban city dwellers. The author said the average New Yorker's network of acquaintances can be just as good for ones health as a small group of "good" friends.

And ironically enough, I read the article by myself while eating a burger at the Shake Shack.

True Life: I'm a Southern Bell

"This is my boyfriend. He knows that one day he will be financially responsible and run our household, and I will entertain him!"

I do believe that people with this mentality are the reason why America is not as progressive as it should. The second girl is 24 and unmarred and fears becoming an "old maid." Are you SERIOUS? They all perform in beauty pageants, tease their hair, and aspire only to get married.

This girl that I went to school with refuses to go to Planned Parenthood because of the kind of "people" that go there AKA lower class, not-white people. She judges people like it's her job, but she doesn't want people to judge her for the current affair she is having at her office with a married man. Oh no, of course not. Hypocrites...

This is amazing.

From JuliaAllison:


I'm on the far left, size 12! (Same size as Marilyn Monroe!)

I ventured into Target on 225th Street and bought 21 on DVD for $8; and I spent most of the day today reading Baby Proof, I love Emily Giffin!

"ideal-weights" need to go.

I'm watching True Life: I'm a Yo-Yo Dieter and I can't understand why people have "ideal weights". I rarely get on a scale, it's usually only at doctors appointments. I don't care what my weight is, only that I'm happy with how I look.

I have friends with "ideal weights" and I just don't understand it. If anyone that reads this has an ideal weight, comment and let me know why you have such a fixation on a number! Please?

1,000!

Happy 1,000 hits for my blog!

Thanks for visiting everyone!

"She wasn't having sex because she wanted a relationship."

-Carrie on Samantha, Sex and the City

Hmmmmmmm.

Lenny Bruce, Langston Hughes..

If you can't say "fuck," then you can't say "fuck the government"!

- Lenny Bruce

Happy Thanksgiving!

So my mother came to spend the night with me last night so we could prepare Thanksgiving dinner early this morning. We went and saw the balloons being blown up (and passed by Tina Fey on 81st Street with her child), then to a really good Italian restaurant on West 4th, and then she dragged me to Marie's Criss on Grove. Yes, my mother dragged me to Marie's Crisis. It was fun!

We got up at 9am this morning to start cooking. We were done around 11 or 12, and I showered. Jason, a friend of mine who's family is in Texas, came over to eat around 3pm when everyone was done exploring my building and area. It was lots of fun! Jason was definitely a hit with my brother and my parents son, syncing up all three of their DS's and such. We ate, were merry, cleaned, and everyone left by about 8pm! He baked cookies too! What a guy. My favorite doorman is downstairs, I might go bring him food.

OH! And my parents brought my new TV & DVD player. I've gone from a 13" to a 32"! Woohoo! I'm watching Home Alone on it now. Classic.

Things I Am Thankful For:
my family
my true friends
my job
my apartment (finally!)
being able to have gone to the final performance of rent
my health
the boys i've dated recently!
my travels around europe this summer & everyone i met <3

AND this dog is the cutest dog ever (thanks Jason):

I just wanted to let you know..

This is the longest day ever.

Broadway has lost one of it's brightest lights.

RIP Gerald Schoenfeld
1924 - 2008

Members of the Broadway theatre community share their thoughts, condolences and memories about the life and career of Gerald Schoenfeld, Chairman of The Shubert Organization, who died Nov. 25.

DARYL ROTH, producer and theatre owner
"He was just such the gentleman of the theatre. When I was starting out [as a producer] 20 years ago, he was a person I had known through friends. When I began producing, he was always very gracious and encouraging to me. He was always anxious to hear what everyone was doing, he was excited to know. For people just starting out, he was very excited to know what plays were interesting to you. You always like someone to feel like they're rooting for you. And he was very caring about the people who worked in the shows in his theatres, very caring about the artists. That's the most important thing, making people who work for you feel cared for."

PHILIP S. BIRSH, president and publisher, Playbill
"It is with great sadness that we learn today of the death of Gerald Schoenfeld. All of Gerald Schoenfeld's friends and colleagues at Playbill mourn his passing. He was a great friend of Playbill and the Birsh family for over 40 years. We will miss him greatly. We send our condolences to his widow Pat and his entire family. His immense impact on the theatre and the theatre community will be felt for decades."

HUGH JACKMAN, actor
"Jerry was one of the true greats — a class act through and through. I am heartbroken to hear of his passing and know Broadway's lights will never shine quite as bright with him gone. This is a great loss to the theatre community and beyond. His brilliance, kindness, and creativity will never be forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones."

MICHAEL P. PRICE, executive director, Goodspeed Musicals
"I've known him for 40 years. He was a mentor, a friend, and he didn't hesitate to tell me what he thought — and how to guide my life. I was very fortunate to have him as a friend. I met him and [late Shubert partner Bernard B. Jacobs] at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre Center. He was a father figure to me…and they were teachers, Bernie and Jerry together. He loved the theatre, it was in his blood, he pulsed with it. [After the Broadway run of the musical Amour], Jerry kept pushing me to do it at Goodspeed. I've never produced a play that someone else told me, 'you've gotta do it.' Jerry called and said, 'I love Amour.' It turned out to be one of the most beautiful productions we've done. It was Jerry's baby. He kept pushing me to do it. He loved its humanity…it was about people, it was about love."

MARK ZIMMERMAN, president, and JOHN P. CONNOLLY, executive director, Actors' Equity Association
"Gerald Schoenfeld was a true man of the theatre and unequaled in his vision and leadership. A gentleman in every way, he was also a fair but tough bargainer at the negotiating table and worked tirelessly to make Broadway the gold standard in American theatre. His passing is a great loss to us all, and our sympathies go to his family, The Shubert Organization and our colleagues in the theatre."

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER, composer
"I adored Jerry. My standing joke with him was that he should play Max in Sunset Boulevard. We bantered back and forth all the time. Broadway has lost a fantastic personality. My best to Pat at this difficult time."

ARIELLE TEPPER MADOVER, producer
"I first met Jerry in 1998 at the downtown production of Freak, but he had known my family for many years. He introduced himself and said, 'Come see me at the office.' I was 25 and scared to produce my first Broadway show, but through it all, he'd always say to me, 'Don't worry about it. It will be fine.' That was Jerry. I've never had a show that wasn't in one of his houses. He was always so encouraging — that is the thing that will be hardest about this. He was always behind me, always there for me, always watching out for me — no matter what the situation was. Doing a show without him will never be the same."

NEIL PEPE, director
"This is a sad day for the American theatre. Gerald Schoenfeld was one-of-a-kind and a true theatre legend. His passing feels like the end of an era. It is an honor to have directed my first Broadway show, Speed-the-Plow, in one of his beautiful theatres."

PETER SCHNEIDER, producer
"Even the first time I met Jerry, 30 years ago, he was a larger-than-life force. He was passionate and demanding and made it seem that the impossible was expected. He mentored so many of this generation's leadership. I will miss his laugh and hugs."

OSKAR EUSTIS, artistic director, The Public Theater
"Jerry was a larger-than-life figure. He was a smart businessman and producer, but it was his love for the theatre, and the shows he produced, that will stay with me. I watched him fall in love with Stew and Passing Strange last year, and it was all the more beautiful because it was obvious even Jerry couldn't really explain why this story of a young African-American artist from Los Angeles moved him so much. (The closest he came was to describe their similar waistlines: 'Mesomorphs have to stick together.') But what he loved, he supported, and Passing Strange would never have gone to Broadway without him. As he did with so many of us, Jerry took me under his wing, gave me the tour of the Shubert offices, passed on the stories and knowledge gleaned from a lifetime of working on Broadway. On our second meeting, he took me into his office and read to me the first chapter of his still-unpublished memoirs. I was enthralled: they were smart, direct, and startlingly frank about his organization and career. His anger was formidable but his heart was generous. I never doubted that he saw himself as part of a community and of a noble profession. To say that he will be missed is trying to put words on the unnamable: none of us can imagine Broadway without him."

ANDREW D. HAMINGSON, executive director, The Public Theater
"I remember the first time I met Jerry: when he lectured at a class I was taking at NYU. For all of us who were just starting in the business, the chance to hear from Mr. Schoenfeld (or 'Mr. Shubert,' as we called him) was worth all of that tuition that we paid. Sure, he shared the war stories and talked about what it was like to run his incredible theatre organization — but what was life-changing was how he gently grilled us when we asked a question. 'What is it that you really want to know?' he would ask again and again — not being dismissive or cranky, but wanting the students to get at the essence of the question. He was, after all, an attorney and this was his way of teaching a bunch of theatre manager wannabes the Socratic Method: Get to the meat of the matter. Jerry was always happy to take a few minutes at an opening night or at a Broadway Association lunch to ask, 'How's it going, kid? What's on the horizon at your theatre?' And encouraging me to keep up the good work — keep doing great theatre. I will dearly miss that encouragement and that grilling. My thoughts are with Pat, all of Jerry's family, and the entire Shubert team."

RANDALL L. WREGHITT, producer
"There are those people who as soon as you meet them, you just know how lucky you are to count them as your friend. Jerry's kindness and generosity to me for the past 15 years has been such a part of my career as a producer. Whether it was discussing a show, an opening night, or just to catch up, I would look forward to those meetings and phone calls. His wit...his wisdom...and all those wonderful stories! I simply cannot believe he is gone..."

BERNADETTE PETERS, actress
"I can't imagine not seeing him at every opening night, sitting on the aisle. He was a great friend and supporter of the Broadway community. There will be a large void, and I will miss him."

BOB BOYETT, producer
"On a day like today I can only think of my personal relationship with Jerry. From the very day I produced my first Broadway show, he gave me advice and guidance like a friend. He was never too busy to inquire about my personal health and well being. Although a man with great love for theatre and for the practice of good business principles, he was first and foremost a person who cared about people. He did expect a high standard of good behavior and decorum, but he was one of the most loyal people I have ever known. His many acts of personal kindness are too numerous to ever be recorded. He was always there for the worthy who needed a job or a little support along the way. Jerry was also a great wit and raconteur. To sit with him in his office and hear his many theatrical anecdotes was pure joy. I shall miss him terribly."

HOWARD SHERMAN, executive director, American Theatre Wing
"For generations now, it has been impossible to speak about Broadway without thinking of the enormous impact of Gerald Schoenfeld. His career was integral to the life of the Great White Way, and we hope that Pat and his family take comfort in knowing that his influence and his profound love of theatre has been felt and will continue to be felt by artists and audiences for generations to come."

SCOTT SANDERS, producer
"Jerry Schoenfeld was a consummate professional and a delightful gentleman. For over three decades he has been a friend, a mentor and, in every dealing I ever had with him, was someone whose word was his bond. He will be missed."

CHRIS BONEAU and ADRIAN BRYAN-BROWN, theatrical press agents, Boneau/Bryan-Brown
"[We] and everyone at BBB mourn the passing of Gerald Schoenfeld. Jerry was a true gentleman of the theatre who gave his heart and soul to Broadway. During his long and legendary career, he brought great talents to his theatres, championed the works of many artists and and brought tremendous joy to many, many people. Gerald Schoenfeld was a true leader, a mentor to scores of people within our industry and a remarkable teacher so willing to share his vast knowledge and love of the theatre. To say he was one of a kind is an understatement. He will be sorely missed."

Judgmental.

I'm so very judgmental, and closed minded about certain things. (Though I think partially that admitting that gives me a bit more credit.) I don't understand why people are so overly religious, or overly conservative so I just don't try to understand. I write those people off as stupid and unintelligent, and it's not okay but it happens. Anyone who says anything masochistic also gets written off. I should try to stop being so volatile.

I just felt this needed to be said out loud.

Revolution.

You say you want a revolution,
Well, you know,
We'd all love to change the world.

A co-worker said that he thinks there's going to be a revolution in America soon. The gays are unhappy, the Wall Street tycoons are unhappy, the Catholics are unhappy, the car makers are unhappy, the Manhattan subway riders are about to be unhappy...

With so many unhappy people, things can't stay how they are. This is a very interesting time to be living in America, and especially New York.

OHHHHHHHH....

"TOO much regulation? You might be part of a group of people that could fill a phone booth that think that!"

- CNN news achor

A commentator said that TOO much regulation has killed the market, first with Bush and now Obama wants to add more. IS HE KIDDING?

I think the huge car companies should be re-managed to produce hybrids ONLY or maybe to be public transportation companies.

OR they can close and their workers can be retrained by the government to work on Obama's new plan to make America greener and more energy efficient (I think it's going to cost $300 billion?). Send some of that bailout money to help the workers who will be out of a job because of some greedy CEOs.

A Red Light Kind-of Winter

I took in Red Light Winter at my alma mater tonight. I wasn't emotionally grasped in the first act, though much comedic relief was brought effortlessly by Arnaud Spanos (Davis). It wasn't until the middle of Act 2 when Rory Meditz (Matt) gave his monologue (his confession his feelings for Christina) that I got that same haunting feeling (of "I know how he feels! I've had a night like that before, oh my god.") that I got the first time I saw the show at the Barrow Street Theatre. Meditz really did it for me. He really grasped his character and garnered the audiences (okay, mine) sympathy.

After that monologue, I fell in love with the production despite its downfall(s). It runs at 1 Pace Plaza in the new 501 Space on October 21st (8pm) and October 22nd (2pm & 8pm). There is a suggested $5 donation at the door.

My cousin is WISE.

My cousin (well, technically first-cousin-once-removed) is closing in on 60 years old and a very good friend of mine, she is completely wise and awesome! I was emailing with her today and here are a few things she said...

if you are constantly agitating, then you are the one who is expressing disapproval . . .

then...

well, injecting drama into things serves a couple of purposes (again, a 'couple' among many once you start excavating your own particular brainscape, i'm sure you'll find others):

*the first thing that drama does is that it puts YOU at the center of, well, everything. makes you very important. it's kind of like emotional job security

*the other thing it does is it keeps you from (actually it ROBS you) of the NOW experience of the other person and the potential of the relationship since you are so actively involved in authoring this drama about what you're not getting . . .

*it denies others' realities and disappears them as people who have to be dealt with PERSONALLY . . . they just become characters in YOUR DRAMA

*it's a great defense mechanism . . . but, like all defense mechanisms, while you think it's helping you to stay unharmed, it's also keeping you from learning anything. if you spend your energy wrapped in your own story, you'll never be available to get value from anyone else's.

and lastly:

no the 'rap' on wanting the attention on you is not that it's selfish (i don't think there's anything wrong with being selfish)

the problem with creating drama so you can be at the eye of the storm is that YOU'RE MAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING SCENARIO . . . shit's all in your head . . . so, yes, you get

to be the STAR of your drama but then you totally miss the other people - and the potential for how knowing them can grow you -

and that's important because without growth one NEVER questions one's assumptions and if you don't question your assumptions you START TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR BULLSHIT
DRAMA is the real deal . . .

Wisdom to think about.

Larry King Live..

This is the end of capitalism as we know it, and GOOD RIDDANCE!

- Michael Moore on Larry King Live

"My fear is that you're going to take the $25 billion and continue the same stupid decisions you've been making for 25 years!" - US Senator

I don't know if you've heard, but GM, Ford, and Chrysler CEO's took private jets to come beg the Senate for a $25 billion bail out. Could you get much more ironic/hypocritical then that? Here's how I see the situation:

- The big American car makers decided a few years ago that they didn't want to invest money in developing fuel efficient or hybrid cars, because they wanted to make the money now (meaning back a few years ago).
- Gas hits $4+ per gallon of gas and people stop buying new cars and especially SUVs.
- Ford/GM/Chrysler have LOTS of cars on the lot that aren't selling and they aren't making money.
- They're about to go under because of bad decisions that they've made and now they want tax payers money.

A general consensus is that American cars are crap anyways. So, I say, let them go under. Yes, I realize that almost 3 million jobs will be lost, but some very greedy & stupid CEO's will hopefully go under with the companies and hopefully have learned a lesson (I know, long shot).

I'm watching CNN and they showed clips of the CEO's getting an ear full (and being ripped a new one) by several members of the Senate, above is what one of them said.

Money well spent.

I took four pairs of shoes to a shoe fixer today and I picked them up this evening, and it was $54 well spent. My $200 boots look practically new again! When I told my mother that I took shoes to get fixed, do you know what she said? "Why don't you just buy new ones?" I think she's the only mother in the world who would say that!

Male Adulterers and the Women Who Sleep With Them: An acquaintance of mine recently ended an affair with a married man she works with. I'm really not judging - but I don't know how women can do it. I hooked up with a guy who had a girlfriend once - and I chose to never see him again because the mere thought of him disgusted me. It wasn't worth it. I would never want that to happen to me (and it hasn't yet, knock on wood!) so I don't know why I would inflict it on another woman (not matter how heinous she is). But mainly, it's just the thought of how in despicable the man to lie to his significant other like that that turns me off of the whole idea.

I have one of the guiltiest consciences around, hence why I don't lie or steal. And lest we not forget, karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around.

It's official.

I'm obsessed with Old Navy's cardigans. They're incredibly soft and cozy. I might go buy them in every color.

My Shopping Demise

So, I did it, I went shopping. First, let me just say, the weather is DISGUSTING today. It's hot and humid, it's absolute rubbish (hehee, that's for Phil). I went to Old Navy first and spent a while in there since I had this plastic bag. I got this really cute brown & white dress, which I'm quite excited to wear. Then I took the Q down to Union Square and went to DSW, a few other shoe stores on 14th street, Anthropologie, and the two Urban Outfitters on 6th Avenue. I didn't find anything in any of those stores. Is it just me, or is Anthropologies' clothing really ugly? And it all looks like it should be worn in Victorian times, not today. I almost found a pair of really cute brown boots on 14th street for $40, but they didn't fit.

*

I'm back at the office now, and I was just thinking about this country's (and my mothers) tight-assed attitude towards sex (no pun intended... okay, maybe a little). My mother gets on my case every now and then whenever we discuss the topic of sex and how I don't believe it's sacred and all that BS, and she says something like, "Women who respect their bodies don't just give it away to everyone."

Another example of backwards thinking. Why can't we view sex as what it is? Pleasure. That's it. Most people who partake in this extracurricular activity, do it for that reason, not to diminish self-respect, etc. Why is it always the woman who is giving herself "away"? Why isn't the woman getting the mans' body? And what does that exactly mean, because technically, you're not giving anything away, you're simply giving into pleasure and enjoying yourself.

I understand some peoples need for monogamy out of fear for contracting STDs [and because they want to feel needed, or they need to have someone there for them (oftentimes a substitute for dealing with low-self esteem issues)] so I think that OBGYNs should be required to test for all STDs at all yearly check-ups. Women shouldn't have to ask, because most likely they'll be too embarrassed to and end up walking around and spreading a disease or virus because of it. Men, too, should do this, and we should develop a new type of doctor that is the male version of an OBGYN, because I don't feel it's a very good idea for women to have this specific kind of doctor, but not men. It might give some men the idea that women are... I don't even know! But... it's not fair (or safe).

In closing, I think condoms should be free and given out in schools and pharmacies everywhere.

Well...

My mother sent me a bag for 20% off whatever I can fit in my bag from Old Navy so I guess I'll use it...

"They should be able to sing something like 'jesus was killed on the cross'!"

This was when we were talking just now in the office about being PC during the holidays. Her friend is a music teacher in Jersey and they're singing a Channukah song and a Divali (Hindu holiday) song, but they're not singing any really jesus-ey or Christmas-ey songs.

I was amused.

I was watching CNN last night and one of the commentators said that he thinks we're going into a period of "severe political correctness"... um, I think we're there already and we need to severely lighten up. The holidays are, for most people, not religious celebrations but mere excuses to make big dinners, and most importantly get presents.

I think we should all just celebrate Chrismakwanzaakah, and call it a deal.

"Gay, straight,; black, white; marriage is a civil right!"

I was trying to think of something meaningful to write about today, and nothing came to mind except this. I walked past a huge march of people rallying together in the name of civil rights - the one on the front-burner today being equal rights for gays to marry. I completely support this, should it ever be passed, but as an agnostic (maybe atheist) I support marriage being stricken from law books everywhere, for EVERYone, COMPLETELY... that is if marriage truly is a religious matter.

If marriage is a religious matter, then why does the government have any say in it at all? That's a direct breach of our supposed "separation of church and state" grounding that we have as a country. Tax cuts because you're married? The government is obviously pro-marriage (and pro-christian in the same right) with all these laws for tax benefits and breaks for married couples. The government can even consider a couple married when they've never had the ceremony! (i.e. common-law marriage) Benefits, breaks, and restrictions pertaining to marriage should be struck the Constitution completely.

That said... I know that will never, ever happen, so in the meantime, until lawmakers come to their senses, I fully, and totally, support gay marriage and any lengths the gay community is going to to make it so.

Watching the protesters was truly inspiring. It made me feel as though we're entering another period similar to that of the 1960's where people are fired up, and they're passionate enough to actually do something instead of just talking about it. There were heterosexual women standing on the sidelines holding signs that said, "We're straight but not narrow, let our friends marry!"

Like a colleague of mine said, they've truly opened a can of worms with Prop 8 and I don't think there's any looking back now.

No one told us that 22 was the year you were going to learn everything.

For both my best friend and I, 22 has been a huge year of growth so far.

I had a long-awaited dinner date with one of my oldest and dearest best friends, since I was three and a half, last night. We went to Cosi on 51st and Broadway and had a lovely two hour dinner and conversation. We talked about everything that's been going on in our lives and I was really appreciative afterward because she was asking my advice and I was giving it, honestly, as usual, and she listened and wasn't offended and didn't take anything I said as "judging" her. It made me realize that people have to be totally secure in their friendships to take criticism or advice in stride from other friends, and not perceive it as judgment. That, I think, comes with time, trust, and being comfortable with who yourself as a person.

That said, I'm starting to realize which friendships I'm completely secure in, and that makes me very happy.

Gala = Success!

Everyone enjoyed themselves and it was great! Tavern on the Green is super-tacky on the inside, but the outside is very pretty! We took a photo at the end, I'll post it if it came out well. Charles Isherwood came to see Beachwood Drive tonight and I said, "Oh! I recognize you from Show Business!" He laughed.

I'm going sale-rack shopping this weekend at DSW & Urban Outfitters. I'm excited.

I just wanted to acknowledge how lucky I am to be dating this wonderful guy that I happen to be dating right now. "Dating": what does this term even mean? I mean it in the most lax way possible right now. Anyways, I never feel like he's "forgotten" about me, which is very lovely and a nice change.

I think I feel my Tylenol PM kicking in...

"Molly"-esque

Remember when "Molly" of the American Girls put pin curls in her hair? I'm kind of doing that now... they're faux pin curls. I would put up a picture but I'd rather not!

Tonight is the Abingdon Theatre Company's Gala... so I'll be over at Tavern on the Green around 5:30 until probably midnight. It'll be a lot of work, but lots of fun! I will post pictures later!

Playing on the defense.

I realized last night that I'm way too defensive when it comes to men. Whenever I meet a guy for the first time [at a bar or whatever], I don't go through the usual phases of flirting, smiling, and laughing at whatever stupid things he's saying.... no, instead I tell them right up front, "don't call me baby," or whatever else his banter ignites in me.

I am way too defensive when it comes to men - how I've gotten to know the current two so well is beyond me. I don't like to come off as vulnerable, so I think that's it partially. I also like to give men [save for the current two] a hard time, a really hard time. I like to see how much banter they can take until they're ready to walk away - then I hold back. This lyric describes it perfectly:

And when you're crawling over broken glass to get to me,
That's when I'll let you stay.

Cooking, mmmmm.

So I'm not as terrible as I've thought for all these years! It's the buying of all the ingredients that gets me, or and following directions. I made my co-workers magical macaroni and cheese that she made a few weeks ago when we watched the debates. I burned it a little on the top, but it's yummy anyways!

I got inspiration on the train home from the matinee and wrote the first poetry I've written since the summer. It was amazing, and maybe I'll post it here, sometime. I'm starting to dig out the hard copies of all writing from the past 4-8 years. There's been a lot.

I've always been an extremely expressive writer. I guess it comes from writing a lot of plays, poems, and blogging for the last almost-decade. It's a way I express myself. But is writing your feelings online because there's no other way to express them wrong?

Email me! - thatgirlallison08@gmail.com

I'm drinking more soda.

It needs to stop! I resisted yesterday, let's see if I can resist tonight.

I had a low key Friday night, until midnight when I met up with Aaron* for drinks at Calle Ocho. It's where we were supposed to go on our first date, but it turned out to be over packed, so instead we ended up at his apartment with homemade cocktails. We talked a lot. I told him about searching for a therapist and the website I'd found, and he said, "Do you want me to call my old therapist for suggestions? I'd honestly feel better if you found someone that way than through a website." I was touched, to say the least. He also said that he thinks I'm trying to find out who I am and be comfortable with myself, but when I do that I will be a force to be reckoned with.

I think the first step on that path is to surround myself with people who I trust and who make me feel good about myself. If I'm always worrying about "friends" talking about me behind my back, I can't fully be confident in myself.

*name has been changed

Oh my God!

"Dude, what happened to your hair?!"

This is one of the reasons why I love my co-worker Sarah (aside from the fact that she let me live with her for a month and a half while I was apartment hunting, that too). She tells it like it is. I had my hair looking funky (headband + claw clip because I was hot) and she just wanted to make sure I knew what I looked like.

Another person who deserves recognition in this category is my long-time friend Lindsay. She'll always listen until I become too much... just too much. She will always support me, and she's there for me - but she's not afraid to tell me when I'm being nuts and need to see a therapist, and I appreciate that.

I've often been told I'm too honest or I'm hurtful in my comments, but really, most people don't tell their friends the truth. I do, and I don't apologize about it. I tell my feelings almost all of the time and people are often shocked at whatever I say, or however I feel. I was about get angry at one of my best friends from childhood last night, then I thought twice and thought it wasn't worth making a commotion even though I was hurt. Past arguments with other friends have been valid though, and I always end up having to condescend to them and apologize, say let bygones be bygones, and we're friends again.

I just can't stand to do that anymore with people who aren't worth it.

Perfect song.

My night last night with the guy was awesome. Another lovely sleepover. I couldn't find the song to describe my feelings as of late until "Nothing New" by Ashlee Simpson shuffled its way onto my iPod tonight. Please, no one read too much into this, I'm slightly PMS'ing this week and recovering from my colposcopy!


*
Oh, I can only be myself,
I'm sorry that's hell for you.
Hey - so what's my damage today?
Don't let me get in your way.
Let it out like you always do,
The trouble between me and you
Is nothing new.
*
You know how to give it but you can't take it.
It's all just a waste now you can save it.
No matter what I do,
Is never good enough, never good enough
*

YES WE CAN!

Last night was one of the greatest nights I've had recently. I spent it at a party at ExitArt [a gallery] in midtown with Rhett, and we drank and cheered as Obama took New Hampshire, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

Then as the open bar closed and the chili that was being served ran out, we went back to my place, ordered turkey and veggie burgers and watched Obama take California, Florida, Washington, and Oregon... and the office of President Elect of the United States of America!

Five million people logged onto Facebook and said they voted. I woke up early and I waited in line for an hour and it was totally worth it. The lines were unbelievable. Rhett and I leaned out my window last night after the stroke of midnight when it was declared that Obama was the projected winner, and everyone on the streets were cheering all the way down to Central Park West, the people on the corner were screaming, people were honking their horns, and of course Rhett and I were jumping for joy. My aunt called me right away, as did my mother. AT&T service was failing because of how many calls were being made (Rhett couldn't make a call for a few minutes after the announcement!). I called one of my oldest and most dear friends in Florida and rejoiced with him too. If you put on CNN or MSNBC, you would see people celebrating around the world like it was the millennium again. I don't think such a celebrated leader could bring harm our way.

Elisabeth Hasselback looked absolutely sedated on The View today, and I do NOT believe she was being sincere, but as long as she's not causing riots, live and let live! McCains concession speech was definitely a "sad grandpa" and Palin looked absolutely STUNNED they didn't win. Go back to Alaska, woman. And all the Wall Streeters (including an ex of mine) saying, "Congratulations, you just elected a socialist!", please move to Canada (as you threatened and I do hold you to your word). I don't believe Obama is a socialist. I think that he believes people who make the most should be paying the highest taxes - which I fully agree with. Wall Street CEOs might have to settle with only make $500k a year instead of $700k. The anti-socialists are thinking about pure greed only. This country won't turn into 5 mile long bread-lines. At best, everyone would have some semblance of health care and not have to foreclose on their houses. God, that sounds AWFUL.

One awful thing from the election though were all the Propositions passing. It's awful, and I hate it, but if we are defining marriage based on what the BIBLE says, than outlaw civil marriages. You want a "marriage" - go to the church. Everyone, gay or straight, gets a civil union. That's one way to settle this. We are supposed to have a separation of church and state, let's act like it.

A former boss of mine edited his Facebook status last night to say, "It's not us versus them anymore. It's just us." and I totally agree. We have a leader than can unite us now (and aren't him and his family gorgeous?) and let's stop with the negativity and come together.

You say you want a revolution,
Well, you know,
We all want to change the world.

Don't speak.

I'm about to go to bed but I wanted to write this first. I hate with a passion when significant others call each other baby. It's patronizing and condescending. I've never done it, or allowed a significant other to do it. I'll meet guys in bars who will start with it right off the bat and I make a point to tell them that that isn't okay. I've had friends that have said it makes them "cringe" and then proceed to do it in their next relationship.

Why don't you use their name? Can you not remember it? I think it's definitely more intimate to be using someones' name than a pet name that could be used on anyone. Neither of the current guys have ever tried calling me "baby" and it's not because I've told them - because I haven't, I think they just have more class than that.

Unless you're role playing, I think alternate names [names aside from your first] should be left outside of a relationship.

But then, maybe that's just me...

Oh yes... GO VOTE!!!!!!

And that's how I feel right now, so just let me be.

I watched Elizabeth: the Golden Age finally yesterday in between shows! Frankly, I was quite bored. I don't recommend the movie, go with Elizabeth or The Other Boyelyn Girl for English history.

I went out with a good friend from high school after the night show... I hung out at her new job [Atlantic Grill] and the bartender treated me to a Cosmo while I waited! We kept it low key... pizza first, then drinks at a pub down the street and watched the end of a football game [UT vs TX Tech] - which neither of us really understood. It was good quality girl time. :o)

Trying to explain the benefits of an open relationship to a parent...

.. is like trying to explain that Jesus was just a pot smoking hippie to a born-again Christian. It's IMPOSSIBLE.

My date, from the other night, and I who are seemingly in an "open relationship" talked about trying to explain to our respective parental figures how it it beneficial. My mother was positively unreceptive, to say the very least, and his dad, being a guy and a bit more open minded, was only a tad more accepting to the idea. I've been dating said-guy for one-and-a-half or two months now, and I've known from the start that he's been all-about open relationships and it has not bothered me one bit. We talk about the people we date outside of each other and we know that we're seeing each other because we want to and not because of aforementioned rules.

Now, this is my first time trying one of these out and I'm still not totally sure they're for me, but I'm exploring and trying something new. But for right now, I'm not closing off my options and it's working out. I'm getting-to-know two fantastic gentlemen.

My mother said to me on the phone, "how would you feel if you knew one of them was seeing someone else as well?" I didn't have the heart to tell her I already did, and it doesn't bother me at all!

My mother used the defense, "because it's not normal!" which is completely ridiculous to me because what's normal for one person might not be normal for another. Normality is conformity, and don't they encourage us as kids NOT to conform? And just because something isn't normal doesn't mean it's not good.