So I'm pretty sure...

I'm starting to write actual content for a start-up called Make It In the City, and I'm using my Tumblr. So please continue reading here!

No!

Me: He just moved into his new place... I'd kinda like to see it.
Jason: Or at least the ceiling. Am I right?

The users win!

This popped up on my facebook homepage today...

"Don't Waste My Time"

You're callin',
You're talkin',
You're tryin',
Tryin' to get in.
But it's over, it's over, it's over,
Friend
*
Don't waste your time trying to fix it,
So save your breath, don't waste your song.
On me, on me..
Don't waste your time.
*
But it's over, it's over, it's over my friend
Don't waste my time.

In other news.

So, aside from the trauma of the Ex, the party was sufficiently fun! There was a magician there who came over and did card tricks for us... He asked me, "Do you like magicians?" I replied, "Not particularly, but I slept with one about a month ago." Jason nearly spit his drink out. The magician replied, "Really? You're kidding! Shut up!" I said yes. We talked a bit more and it turns out he graduated from the same high school, and junior high school. Talk about a small world.

And in addition to meeting Ashlea Halpern and Allison Williams, I also got to meet Kate Lowenstein, one of the senior features editors at TONY. For a TONY geek (whore?) like myself, it was pretty exciting.

I also met an actress, who's one of the 'singles' in the issue, named Emily, who was an absolute sweetheart! And she's much cuter than her picture portrays - so any guys out there, email her! And Rob asked #17 how many emails she's gotten so far - over 100!

"I really hoped you wouldn't be here."

Once upon a time there was a girl who was pursued by a very eligible bachelor. Turns out this bachelor didn’t really have time for her – he wouldn’t tell her this and kept her on a very long leash. Around New Years, the girl got sick of this treatment and stopped replying to his text messages and emails. Admittedly, the girl has been incredibly upset over this ever since.

Last night was Time Out New York’s “Singles Party”… in honor of Valentine’s Day and their yearly singles issue. I had never been before, but I gathered my closest [guy] friends and off we went (or off they were dragged). We arrived at Poisson Rouge on Bleecker and Thompson, got past the velvet ropes and got ready to get our “chat” on. We snagged a cozy velvet bench in one corner and surveyed the crowd. Jason, being the gentleman that he is, bought my first drink [Hoegaarden] and so the intoxication began. While surveying the crowd I ran into Rob, a web developer from Time Out, who I’d had a semi-awkward date with the night before. I introduced him to my friends and went to survey the crowd up close. I also saw Alex, a guy I’d gone out with two nights prior to the party. I avoided talking to him – though I’m not quite sure why, he WAS a nice guy.

During my second Hoegarden, I looked towards to the door and saw my Ex entering. I’m not even sure I can call him my Ex but for the sake of simplicity here, I will. I made a decision: I would not acknowledge him, unless, of course, he acknowledged me. Jason convinced me to go talk to who we deemed “Tall Guy” who was currently being spoken to (a very broad term since she wasn’t really saying much) by a girl who couldn’t have been taller than 4’10”. Thanks to my 2 inch heels, I was measuring up to 5’10” that night. He was walking in one direction, and I tapped his arm and prepared myself to make conversation. I think this was the first time I’ve ever done this, and it went surprisingly well. Jason bumped past me, winking and giving me a nod of approval. All was well until my phone buzzed and I looked down at a text from the Ex. It read: “I see you! You’re talking to a tall guy! How are you?!”

I rolled my eyes and replied, “Why don’t you come over and find out?” and turned back to my Peruvian God and smiled. For economical reasons, I moved from the $7 Hoegaarden onto a more recession-friendly $3 vodka & soda during the night. I have a very low tolerance for alcohol to begin with – but vodka goes right through me. I looked down at my phone again and saw a text from the Ex saying, “I can’t! Tall guy! I feel bad interrupting.” I went to the bathroom and was met by the Peruvian God just outside, where we ended up kissing. I don’t even remember how it happened – he was a good kisser though.

In the next hour though, I ran into the Ex, also right outside the bathroom, and told him, “I really hoped you wouldn’t be here.” He looked disappointed. Good. He told me that he had thought of me recently when he saw my email address pop up in his address book. I’m sure. What else was said was hazy, but I remember that he told me he had moved into his new apartment finally; I told him that I’d gotten laid off, he frowned again to show sympathy. I saw the Peruvian God once more after that – but all my attention was, unfortunately, focused on the Ex. Jason came up to me around then, he had found his favorite flavor at the party: short & skinny Asian-American. I said, “Jason, this is Alex**.”

He looked at Alex and replied, “OH! So you’re fucking Alex!”

The Ex looked a little stunned. I covered my mouth to hide my laughter. Hey, I was 4 drinks in already. The Ex introduced me to Ashlae Halpern – an editor at TONY who put together the singles issue – and Allison Williams – another editor at TONY that I had corresponded with several times before. A little while later, Jason came back over and said he was leaving with his flavor of the week, and hugged me, telling me to go back to the tall guy. But me being intoxicated and liking a little cyanide to my cocktail, I stayed and talked to the Ex. Eventually I got my jacket and made my way out. I asked the Ex to come with me, but he said he had to stay to drive people home (he doesn’t drink, so he was sober). I don’t remember leaving, but obviously I did though I forgot to get a gift bag. I used this as an excuse to text the Ex and ask him to get me a gift bag. During my cab ride home, I texted him, “I wish you weren’t such a player.”

I know, I know. I should not have texted him that. I should really be banned from texting when I am inebriated.

When I got home, I cried. Not too much, just a little. It was a drunken cry, but it was needed. He didn’t reply right away to my text, which only made me feel worse. I had opened up too much again and he had free reign again to screw with me any way he pleased. I didn’t kiss him though at any point during the night; that’s good, right? I called Jason and he said to forget about the Ex, that I was too good for him, and that I shouldn’t be wasting my time crying over him. Before I went to sleep, Jason caught me on Google chat and told me again not to cry, that he wasn’t worth it. To take a direct quote from Jason, “He’s old and busted. Find new hotness! You have hot eyes. For fucksake woman. Stop!” What a good wingman. (Unfortunately he ended up getting turned down by his Flavor of the Week and went home.)

Nevertheless, I went to sleep, still crying a bit. I woke up around 5:30 and looked at my phone. There were two texts from him: “Player? Silly talk. I’ll grab you a goodie bag!” and “Still up, slacker?” at 1:45am. Calling each other slackers was an inside joke with us - don't ask. Even though it was obvious that, no, I was not in fact awake at 1:45am, I texted him back saying so.

I’m wondering now. If he does contact me again, I don’t know if I’ll be ready to let him back in. SHOULD I let him back in? Does he deserve a second chance? I doubt he’d realize that he was even getting a second chance. If I did let him back into my life, I feel like I wouldn’t be able to move forward (into a friendship, or whatever else) with him unless I tell him how much he hurt me. Why would I do that though? Would that be letting him not too much?

This is going to sound incredibly lame, but is he the Mr. Big to my inner-Carrie? I don’t mean in the sense that I’m going to marry him, only in the way that he could be that guy that I go back to and possibly get hurt by. Ugh, I can’t believe I just made that Sex and the City reference – honestly, it sickens me. I know I am NOT Carrie Bradshaw, let me assure you.

What’d you guys think?

**The Ex's name has been changed.

Talk about scary.

I had an interview at a boutique PR firm. I was really excited to enter the world of "power-bitches," I even bought a power-bitch suit on Friday. I looked good. I looked really hot. I put together a folder of programs I've designed, things I've written, recommendation letters, and my resume. My interview lasted about 3 minutes - if that. My dreams of entering the "power-bitch" world of PR were killed in 3 minutes as well. Read on:

She was on a phone call when I got there and there were three other young girls working there and her phone conversation went over, and then she had 'meetings' with each of her girls - asking what they were doing today. Then she went off on one of them, "You haven't done this yet? What'd you mean? Yes, you said you'd do it Monday and it IS Monday! I gave you this because she was flooded with work with the intent that you'd get it done right away! THIS is why I don't hire people right out of college! You think you're better than you are! You have one week to prove yourself to me. God!"

Then, 20 minutes late, I was brought to the back where her desk is, and I gave her my resume, reference letters, and writing examples. Then first thing she said was:

"Your resume means nothing to me. I only care whether or not you can do the job." OKAY. Next, "So what makes you ready to do this job? What that you did as a box office/finance associate at your last job makes you right for this? You can use Photoshop, right? You didn't use it at Boneau/Bryan-Brown? Then how'd you learn it? Okay, well I'll have to give you a Photoshop test before you leave. Okay, so what have you done? Have you ever pitched something? Do you know how to write a pitch? THIS [a letter from my folder] is a really poorly written pitch, I don't know who would OK that. Why do you think you can skip the step of assistant in PR and go right to being a junior publicist? (Um, because you were advertising for it, I applied, and you called and said you think I'd be a right fit?) Do you have relationships with any of the major newspapers? Thank you for coming in, sorry for wasting your time."

Whoa. I am shocked, and awed. And applying for other jobs.

Though my suit is hanging up neatly in my closet, waiting for it's next use for an interview that will hopefully last longer and go better.

This makes me feel smart.

I was thinking last night while at a wine bar [with Jason, Bryan, and a few of Jason's friends] that I really didn't learn all that much in college. It might be my own fault - not reading more, or taking philosophy or history classes... I wish I would've! Oh well. Forget regret.

But every time I'm feeling a little less than smart, I just remember that at least I don't believe that the Bible is truth. Then I feel a little bit smarter. The more educated you are, the less religious you are. Amen.

"How do you get those pants on and off? I mean, really, I want to be apart of that process!"-Jason

So, this holiday is stupid but... I have a date tonight at Yuca Bar, and then another date tomorrow night with a very cute boy from a magazine I like :) Not sure where we're going yet though.

Last night was loads of fun. I went to World Bar again - and Jason, along with his friend Bryan came a little while later (Jason lives a block from the bar!!) and we chatted and they scoped out hot Asian chicks... then around 1 we went back to Jason's place... around 2am, Bryan and I begged him hard enough to make cookies - which he totally did. Yay for drunk baking. Then we watched V For Vendetta until 5am. Oy. That's the latest I've been awake until for a while. I hopped a cab, with some cookies, and was asleep by 5:40am.

Jason has Apple TV, and MTV was streaming Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" video... I made it play about 5 times before the boys stole the remote from me. Hehe. The chorus of that song sucks - but the melody is catchy!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Wow.

This is huge, and fantastic.

Since I'm unemployed...

And I just remembered to apply for unemployment, oops..... I kind of liked this article, as well as this one.

"I'm the exception!" "You're MY exception."

Awww. So Lindsay and I saw He's Just Not That Into You this afternoon, and I can't think of a more perfect movie partner to have seen this with! We're always discussing our boy problems - many of which could be settled if we would just admit "he's just not that into me", but that would be FAR too easy! Like reading the book, seeing this new film version was equally as empowering. It made me feel better about finally loosing touch with the Art Director, and it made me re-evaluate current and recent situations. One thing that made both Lindsay and I laugh was the fact that the female characters in the movie all got what they wanted in the end! A bit misleading because I don't think that often happens (being the eternal optimist that I am).

As romantic and mushy the end of the movie was (see quote), I don't want to be anyone's exception. I don't want to be hurt and go through hell until the guy comes to his senses (I think that's what I was doing in the fall. Yeah, that worked out).

But like Ginnifer Goodwin's character, at least I'm putting myself out there and meeting people. If I were to just refuse to meet anyone, I'd end up like Justin Long's character would've.

I definitely recommend this movie, but NOT as a date movie! This is definitely a movie to go see with your girlfriends.

"Writing is a process...."

So yesterday, Saturday, Jason and I took in a matinee of the new musical, The Story of My Life, starring Will Chase and Malcolm Gets. In one sentence, it's a musical about an award-winning writer trying to write the perfect eulogy about his childhood best friend who has killed himself. It was different, original, touching, and entertaining. Both actors were extremely effective, with beautiful voices. The problem was, Gets looked MUCH older than Chase... which was confusing because they were supposed to be the same age. The set was a simple bookstore rolling ladder, podium, and book shelves on the wall. The show dragged in the middle, but it was then wrapped up perfectly and I feel as though you really got to know these two characters in the short 90 minutes that you have with them.

Jason enjoyed it too... yay! Jason and I spent the day hanging out again today, eating our way through midtown. First we went to Billy's Bakery, then onto Grumpy for some caffeine... after we ventured up to the 57th & 5th Avenue area for burgers (his from Burger Joint and mine from Pop Burger), and finally we ended up at Borders in Columbus Circle. I left soon after for dinner with my dad and brother who were in town for the Comic Con. Now I'm home and exhausted!

Tomorrow is my interview, and then seeing He's Just Not That Into You with Lindsay. Finally!

On the List of Things I Never Thought I'd Say

I find myself unable to trust men.

I think after the Art Director completely screwed with my head and lead me on in the fall - I am completely unable to take anything men say at face value. If a guy says something that should make me happy - I am literally unable to believe them. I assume they are saying it purely to manipulate my head and get into my pants quicker. If they tell me that they are romantic and a gentlemen - I interpret that as overcompensation and that they are full of it. Because who would come out and say that right away? I'm sick of men saying it instead of just showing it.

And after I sleep with someone - which usually happens too quickly - I shut down and can't allow myself to trust them anymore. I mean, all they want is sex, right? And they've gotten it, so.... why are they still calling? They want more sex, obviously. They don't actually care about seeing me.

What makes it worse is that I have very limited patience with men who don't show superfluous interest and aren't upfront about their intentions - which is ridiculous, but it's another fault of mine. A reader recently emailed me and we started talking, which led to him asking me numerous questions. This startled me. I immediately thought it was going to lead to some kind of mental manipulation, which led to me telling him I was done being interrogated - which he insisted was only getting to know me, but of course I can't believe anything he says - and I signed off. Shut down.

My date last night? It was very nice. He was a really sweet guy, and very, very cute but I don't think there was any spark. We want different things in life - he wants a big family, and I'm not even sure I want to get married. Why were these things talked about a first date? Who knows. Maybe that was a problem too. Maybe he was trying to scare me off, but I doubt it.

Basically, any time a guy asks me out, I immediately assume that they only want to sleep with me. That they'll say anything to accomplish that. It's awful, horrible, and disturbing. I'm trying to open my mind and myself up to new experiences, and I think it'll happen eventually (god, I hope), but it just takes work and I'm trying.

So, please, please, please be patient with me.

Sigh.

I'm out of a job again.

I improved on the things I was having issues with at least 98% and I was still let go today (as of last Friday, I was supposed to be re-evaluated NEXT Friday... I guess they just couldn't wait?). They looked equally as sad letting me go as I was being let go, and walked me out and did all but hug me before I left. They said they'd give me references or help me find another job - this confused me. If they could give me references and help me find a job - why were they letting me go? They said I wasn't a right "fit" for the job.

I've applied for around 20 jobs already. Does anyone know of anything? I'm willing to do just about anything.

men, honesty, casualties...

"You have a lot of negativity toward men, but you seem to have no problem letting them make all the decisions about your life. That doens't make sense."- Tim

I went on a very impromptu date with a very cute Columbia journalism grad student last night. We went to the Hungarian pastry shop on 111th and Amsterdam. It was nice, but I got weird vibes from him when he didn't text me the usual had-a-great-time text that I usually get. I texted him this morning and said, "I had a nice time last night but I don't want to wonder. Do you want to see me again?" and he texted me back a little while later saying, "Honestly? I don't see it working." I wrote back, "Thanks!" and I meant it. I should do that more often. It felt good to be blunt and get a direct answer.

It made me realize how much I hate dealing with men who aren't mature enough to say what they want, or ask what I want. I don't want a casual relationship - a fuck buddy, in lame mans' terms. I hate conversations that go nowhere. I have no desire to "hang out" with a guy - a lame cover up for a booty call - I'm at a point in my life where I've done enough of that (perhaps too much?) and I'm looking to get to know someone and date them.

My friend Tim, who said the above quote, is very right. I have such a bad outlook on men, ALL men, but yet I let them, basically, control me. It's awful. Well, that's over. Or at least I'll try harder. I'm sick of this rut that I've fallen in to since October... the whole let-men-lead-the-way mindset that I've been in. I feel like I had more luck when I was more assertive (honestly, could I have had less?).

I'll leave you all with this other pearl of wisdom that Tim directed towards me...

" It wouldn't hurt you to take some initiative and make some decisions about these relationships. You're 50-percent of it and you just wait for these moronic guys to decide what's going on..... You should assume more control and not wait for a guy to make a decision that will piss you off. If you recognize it's not working, don't wait for him to become a better person. It likely won't happen. Be more pro-active, instead of letting him dictate what happens in your life."

Sigh.

"Just so you know, you're speaking to a Greek Scorpio male. I have a Ph.D in emotional manipulation, and I know a player when I see one; and this guy is one." - Angelo

Every story, new or ancient...

So my stories have been pretty timeless. They happen over and over again - save for last nights little catastrophe. I was told recently that I write well and should write a book. Preferably about all the men (if you can call them that) I've dated (or slept with). Because my friends are regularly amused by my tales and think the general public would be as well.

So, what do all my readers here think? (Do I actually have readers?) Do I have the writing chops to write a book? And if yes, what should it be about?

Email me! thatgirlallison08@gmal.com

OH MY GOD.

OF COURSE the gentleman isn't ready to start dating again. WOW. Where do I find these guys?! Oh, yes, this was a set-up. I'll ream Tim out when he's back from London. He just called me and he said, "I really had such a good time on Thursday, it was a LOT of fun, but I'm just not ready to date again." Apparently he broke up with a long-term relationship at the end of the summer and it was a bad break up.

And he was almost the perfect gentleman. Of course he's not "ready." I didn't even invite him in! He kissed ME!

Four days? Wow, I keep doing better and better. Valentine's Day is looking bleak this year... I'm just not even sure how to react... Holy shit.

::insert dramatic music::

Okay, so, the date. I know you're all dying to hear whether I put out or not (just kidding, kind of). I'm proud to say I did not.

He came and "picked me up" (wow! who does that anymore??) at my building, and the bar we were going to was kind of busy, so we walked around for a bit, and apparently there are no other bars in my area, so we ended up back at the original one on 96th and Amsterdam. We had a few drinks, and bonded over our love of hard cider and expensive caffeinated drinks, among other things. He's a writer/editor for a law magazine, and he played baseball for like, 14 years in Jersey. We have the exact same views on religion - I guess his private Catholic school upbringing had an adverse affect on him! We both suffer from having little brothers, and he's 27. He seemed very genuine and sweet; we got along very well. He was a complete gentleman as well too, it was so nice. He walked me to my actual door a little before 11, and kissed me. I said goodnight and closed the door. I was so proud of myself. He texted me right after he left and said he had a great time and wanted to see me again.

Though I could've reacted saying, "wow, that was a little quick," I really shouldn't be shunning attention when the guy I dated in the fall barely even acknowledged that we were dating, so... it was nice! I have to admit, I do like affirmations. If you just tell someone how you're feeling, it's a lot easier. You don't have to guess.

But, erm... I'm not allowed to drink vodka anymore. I had two cosmos on the date and yesterday I woke up feeling REALLY hung over. It was awfully hard to get through the day. Maybe our next date can be sober.

And my dinner party last night was fun. I made wayyyyyyyyyyy too much food! I'll be eating pasta for the next two weeks. Oh well! It was fun. Most of my friends don't know each other but they all got along quite nicely. I realized while looking at the invite list that I am friends with mostly men. Geez. I have like, 4 girlfriends. Oh well, most of my guy friends are gay, so I can still talk to them about guys, heh.

Chris was the last-man-standing, and I read him a few passages from He's Just Not That Into You, which he owns and is afraid of reading, and after reading each, he rolled his eyes and said, "This is going to put all my bullshit excuses to rest! This is awful!" But... yes, it will put all your bullshit excuses to rest. Speaking of movies, I really want to see The Uninvited.

Happy "hump" day.

My friend Angelo and I were discussing this weekend the "slut-and-pervert" complex that men and women battle with. He said the men that are so scared of being labeled a pervert are the ones who never approach a woman, or become socially awkward. Then there's the concept that a woman who likes and wants to have sex - and doesn't necessarily connect it solely with love - is always, always, always going to be labeled a slut. And in my opinion, there's nothing, nothing, nothing we can do about that.

I have fallen into this trap many-a-time (have I ever mentioned that a nick name given to me by my two best friends from college is jewwhore?) and I've even let myself fall, mentally, into this trap. What he [Angelo] wanted me to understand was that it was okay to enjoy sex and want it. I know that. Believe me. And that I'd never get over that fear if I kept feeding into it by labeling myself a whore after being with someone that I actually liked, even if I didn't know every detail of their past (or their middle name).

My father even said once, "You can't say things like that," after I said something sexually explicit, and his friend immediately turned to him and said, "Yeah, with [my brother] you'll be able to encourage that kind of stuff, not daughters though."

I'm generally defensive when it comes to men, but it doesn't take a lot to break down that wall. After that wall comes down, I trust very easily (maybe too easily), though I always assume the worst after I think they've gotten what they wanted. Like with a guy I recently met, I assumed the worst and I think I've offended me because, as it turns out, he does want to see me again. Who'd have thought it?

I have a date tomorrow night, a friend of a friend, and I'm trying incredibly hard not to think that he just wants to sleep with me. We spoke on the phone on Monday night and he was very nice, and we had a nice conversation, and we've been texting since then and he's been flirty - but maybe too flirty? Once again, I'm having a very closed mind. I must try to not already have decided he's a "pervert" before we even meet.

It's funny, I "trust" guys very easily after they break my wall down - but in reality, I don't really trust [their intentions] them at all. And I never seem to be able to get to know them well enough to find out what they [intentions] could be. I think I should go back to dating more than one person at a time again, like I did in the fall. I'm not sure exactly how it will help me trust men more, but when I'm not fixated on only one man, I'm extremely happy [like I was in the fall]. Though can I reiterate that "date" does not me "have sex with"? Right now, I don't really want to sleep with anyone, not to mention multiple people.

Here's to my trying to start a new, better pattern. Wish me luck!

I didn't think people were this stupid..

I was talking to someone tonight and this was the gist of our conversation...

me: so their company is down to 5 people now.
him: yikes. damn obama
me: obama?! oh lord.
him: it's his fault he wants everyone laid off so that he can institute his muslim communist agenda
me: are you serious? you HAVE to be kidding me.
him: i just got sara palin's newsletter-- it explains it all. you should read it
me: okay, now i know you're joking.
him: about how the obama crew caused 9-11 and is trying to start another one.

WTF!!!!!!!!!

This just in:

I just signed up for NYCares.org. Though probably for all the wrong reasons. Oh well, let's try!

i can't think of a good subject for this.

i am a serious light-weight. i saw dominic for the first time in FOREVER last night and saw his new pad down on Houston Street, and then went out with him, Lindsay, Natalia, and Ivy and few other randoms... we went to Antique on 3rd and Bowery first, and then to Hotel Empire on 53rd and Broadway... that club was better, and had a REALLY awesome aerial view of the Lincoln Square area.

i need pasta now :)

A longggggggggg week.

Well, it all started with a late Sunday night, and a lazy Monday. The rest of the week was spent at my new job! I now work for a fantastic company processing amateur rights for plays. It's a lot more corporate than my last gig, but my co-workers are fabulous and lots of fun. One of them actually plays at Marie's Crisis on Monday nights!

I hung out with Lindsay, Dan, and Moises at the apartment that Lindsay's apartment-sitting for the week on Wednesday night, and then last night Lindsay hosted a dinner party! They bought the ingredients and I cooked! How sad is it when I'M the best cook in the place? But Italian food + wine + good music = fun!

I'm trying to get Jeremy to come with me to dinner.. and then I think I'm going to The After Party with Rhett? No cover also = good times!

I'm watching Made of Honor... it's cliche, trite, and EVERYthing I love.

"Whoever said life is short was lying, life is f*cking long!" - Dani Super

I was helped to realize tonight that I need to start trusting my own instincts more, and asking for the advice and opinions of others. My friends mean well, but they aren't me. They don't know how certain situations make me feel and what I need to feel good about myself, and about other people. I think in certain situations I need to think for myself and trust my own instincts. I also realized that I rush a lot of things (okay, EVERYthing) in my life. I need to learn how to slow down.

So here's to trusting my instincts and slowing down.

WALL-E in HiDef + white zinfandel + good company = good times :)

USA's hidden agenda isn't so hidden..

I don't know who runs USA (the network) but I'm watching Bring it On right now, and they feel the need to edit out the word "shit" but not the word "dykey." What is that?? The word "shit" doesn't promote hate and prejudice, "dykey" does.

Whoever edits these things needs to be slapped.

To do today: shower, go to the gym, pay bills, pick out outfit for tomorrow (first day of work!), write!

(is it awful if I'm a sucker for magic tricks?)

quote from the real world: brooklyn that i love..

"so the lame bus just pulled into the kitchen, and dropped off yet another lame conversation." - ryan

Male/Female English.

The man's guide to female English:

* We need = I want
* It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
* Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
* We need to talk = I need to complain
* Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
* I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
* You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
* You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
* I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
* Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
* I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
* How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
* I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
* Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
* You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
* Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
* Yes = No
* No = No
* Maybe = No
* I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry


Women's guide to male English

* "I’m hungry" = I’m hungry
* "I’m sleepy" = I’m sleepy
* "I’m tired" = I’m tired
* "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Can I call you sometime?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "May I have this dance?" = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
* "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I’d like to have sex with you
* "What’s wrong?" = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this
* "What’s wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
* "What’s wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
* "I’m bored" = Do you want to have sex?
* "I love you" = Let’s have sex now
* "I love you, too" = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
* "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before
* "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
* "Let’s talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
* "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
* "I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

The Real World: Brooklyn

The past few seasons, of which I've barely watched any, have been awful, absolutely awful. This season has a really interesting cast, in a really interesting city. But I will pass judgment on my least favorite roommate, Scott. God, he's the epitome of a brainless meat head. Who knows, maybe he'll surprise everyone.

That's all.

My ex once told me...

That when you donate blood, they test a large amount of a bunch of different people's blood mixed together, so they wouldn't be able to notify you if your blood was HIV+. His reasoning, blood is free, testing equipment isn't.

I had a physical today and the doctor told me that that absolutely wasn't true. Just incase any of my readers date my ex and is told this as well, I wanted to clear up any misconceptions.

I caught up on the phone with one of my very good friends from high school tonight, Jacque. I hadn't spoken to her in a few months, it was so very good to hear from her. I missed her!

This year..

I want a date for Valentine's Day.

In past years (ALL of them actually), I have never wanted one but I do this year. I couldn't tell you why. I could've had a guy named Dan last year who I'd gone on several dates with, but the chemistry wasn't there. Where are the single guys??

Dive Bar, NYC

So, yesterday, though my friends weren't available to celebrate [my getting a new job], I took myself out for a drink. I ended up at Dive Bar, on 96th and Amsterdam. It wasn't NEARLY as seedy as I thought it would be. The bartender was a sweetheart, and the bar was downright CHEAP. I had dinner for $6. I talked to this technology financier who was sitting next to me for a while. I honestly don't remember his name (though he lives a block away from me, so I'll probably end up seeing him EVERYWHERE now), and unfortunately, he was very boring.

It's snowing again today, so I'm in my apartment and warm :) Tonight I'm going to the Sage Theatre to watch a comedy show at 10pm... ooh! I don't know when, if ever, I've been a comedy show. Hey, it's free! Oh, I also have The Terminal and Requiem For a Dream from Netflix. I'm excited to see both of those, especially the latter.

Decisions, decisions.

I had two great interviews this week. Let's cross our fingers!

The best day all week.

So, by 1pm this afternoon, I had two interviews lined up for two great jobs next week. I was so excited! And I'm getting a call sometime next week to meet with a prominent casting director to talk about my options. Then I went to the Met, by accident, until I realized that they Pour Your Body exhibit was at the MoMA where I made my way afterwards.

The exhibit was amazing; I felt like I was tripping on ecstasy (though I've never taken ecstasy) with the projections, colors, and unique music. It was kind of the that part of Across the Universe where they're at the book release party and Bono sings I Am the Walrus. I read and people watched for a while. I went to Crumbs after and had a very yummy red velvet cupcake.

At 7:55, Amy and I took in a showing of Bride Wars. It felt like there were scenes cut out from the movie, like explaining about Kate Hudson's family for example, that should've been in it. It was just lacking. All in all, it was cute and touching, but probably not worth $12. They repeated something that has given women around the world unrealistic expectations about their wedding day:

"A wedding day is the most important day in a woman's life."

Um, excuse me? This gives unrealistic expectations to women everywhere. People should go back to having marriages, not weddings. Say your vows and eat some cake, save your $100k for something more lasting.

Today was a good day :)

Exes That You Can't Stand

So, my ex from my senior year of high school (and into my freshmen year of college). He's the ultimate asshole. Don't ask me why I dated him for a year and a half. That's irrelevant though. After him I became serial non-monogamist (hah, can you tell how [not] great in bed he was?) and he became the exact opposite. His last girlfriend of nearly three years, he cheated on with three girls - she only found out about two of them. Poor girl. After that girlfriends' mother got them both summer internships at JP Morgan, he became the ultimate super-boring, money-obsessed banker; actually, I believe he works in mortgages. He stayed on as a part-time employee after the summer and has since sold his soul to Satan for the bottom line.

I haven't heard from him in months, probably because I hadn't texted him, and I hadn't wanted to or even thought of him in those months, until I got a text from him tonight while on my way to the movies:

"So, I was going to leave JPM, but they doubled my salary instead. I'M RICH, BIATCH!"

Needless to say, I was not impressed. I guess he was expecting me to say that I was oh-so-thrilled that the greedy sons-of-bitches who drove this economy into the ground (and in return, cost me my job) are being rewarded oh-so greatly. Anyone who knows me knows I don't fake anything, especially not congratulations that are NOT in order and I didn't in this case either. In the end, I told him I was sad for him that the only way he could validate his accomplishments was to gloat about them to me. He still hasn't answered. Good riddance.

I try not to be negative on this blog, but I felt this had to be said.

"I wanna be with a guy who wants to be with me." - Whitney Porte

Thank you, Whitney, for summarizing my feelings for me perfectly.

Did I ever mention...

I get discouraged easily? I haven't gotten a positive call in reply to my resume frenzy.... so I am very discouraged. I know, I know, it's been one day, but still. But while I'm not job-hunting, I have some other things to look forward to..

Wednesday night: plans with Adam (who I referred to on here once as Aaron)
Thursday afternoon: coffee with a friend
Friday night: Bride Wars with Amy in Lincoln Square.
Next Tuesday: Morning: Meeting with Jed
Afternoon: [Free] Haircut at Bumble and Bumble model school!

I got two new movies off Netflix today, and I went to the gym in my building twice.

This detox that I'm doing is ridiculous. Though I can eat, I'm eating a lot of carrots, cucumbers, and rice and I'm STILL hungry. If I can get through most of the day tomorrow, and Adam and I go out to eat or something, I'll end it then. Being on the fast has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. Not being able to eat normal things has kept me in the house applying for jobs and not spending money (which is good and bad), though staying in the house, applying for jobs, would usually result in me eating a lot of crap and I can't do that now.

That sounds confusing, but it's both good and bad. I can tell you right now though, I'm hungry.

Plus...

a producer friend, Boneau/Bryan-Brown, Dan T/Off-Broadway Booking, 2 positions at Simon and Schuster, 321 Theatrical Management, American Theatre Wing, and a few talent agencies....

Back to square one.

No, I'm not referring to guys, I'm referring to my career. As of 10:15am, I became unemployed. They said they didn't want to do it earlier so as not to "ruin my holiday," but I wish they would have. There were two great jobs open a few weeks ago that no longer are (yes, I've checked). BUT I spent the afternoon sending out my resume to people I've interned for, people I know in the industry, people who might know other people in the industry, personal friends... This is who I ended up sending resumes to:

Samuel French, MTI, The Araca Group, Barlow-Hartman, Allied Live, HHC Marketing, Jed Bernstein, Ken Davenport, Theatre Mania, Time Out New York, The Road Company (former internship), The Broadway League (former internship), Andy Hammingson/The Public Theatre, Atlantic Theatre Company/Neil Pepe (former internship), Keith Sherman & Associates (Keith himself wrote back!), Actors Equity Association (where I was also offered a job), The Shubert Organization (where I was offered a 2nd interview), Plumm Benefits, The Signature Theatre, Randi Grossman/Max Merchandise, Eliran Murphy Group, Theatre Communication Group, Marquee Merchandise, Conde Nast....

24. Not bad for a few hours, huh? And also a few personal friends and family members, one of whom introduced me to an employee at MTI - to whom I spoke on the phone with tonight and he was really, really nice! I look forward to meeting him in a couple of weeks. Tomorrow I'm calling the Dodgers. Wish me luck!

there are good guys out there.

in response to my text (about how i wanted to cry because of said-guy), he wrote back: ugh, he doesn't deserve you.

it was nice to hear coming from someone that doesn't need to say it, or benefit any from saying it.

Coke.

"The younger you are when you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced."
"What about my parents? They were 18 when they got married!"
"That was different. That was the 80's, everyone was all coked out and no one really knew what they were doing."
- The Secret Life of the American Teenager

just incase..

you think i don't see a lot of theatre... i was organizing my playbills today. 15 years of playbills:



on my playbills, i found signatures of: Maureen McGovern, Jeff Goldblum, Patrick Stewart, Douglas Sills, Rob Bartlett, Pablo Schreiber, Anna Paquin, Kieran Culkin, Dennis Hopper, Grant Shaud, Harvey Fierstein, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Natasha Richardson, John C. Reilly, Christina Applegate, Sebastian Bach, Didi Conn, Vanessa Williams, Alan Menken, Alfred Molina, Julia Stiles, Billy Crudup, Idina Menzel, Stephen Lynch, Joanna Gleason, Maria Friedman, Michael Ball, Kristin Chenoweth, Delta Burke, Christine Ebersole, Rebecca Gayheart, Marsha Mason, Frances Sternhagen, Bill Irwin, Jai Rodriguez, Lea Salonga, Neil Patrick Harris, Mario Catone, Mary Catherine Garrison, Roger Bart, Susan Lucci, Susan Egan, Mark Hamil, Polly Bergen, Jennifer Garner, Richard Griffiths, Julianne Moore, Bill Nigh, Marin Mazzie, Brian Stokes Mitchelle, Orlando Bloom, Julia Roberts, Paul Rudd, Matthew Broderick, Raul Esparza.....

Just FYI for all the guys who read this..

(I don't think any guys do read this but just incase...)

this just in:

I date losers!

Double-feature day.

Yesterday I indulged myself and saw two plays that I'd been wanting to see for quite some time, but have been too lazy to actually get out to. Now, logical folk would've said, "wait until it's not tourist season!" but not me! I took in a matinee of Speed the Plow, by David Mamet, and Equus, by Peter Shaffer, at night.

I had a great center orchestra aisle seat for Speed the Plow and I was incredibly excited to see Norbert Leo Butz in the role left vacant last month by Jeremy Piven. The show was about the head of production at a movie studio in LA and his inner conflict in which of two movies to produce. It was filled with quick & witty dialogue, and very humor. All in all, I loved it. And special mention goes to Norbert Leo Butz for being so amazing in a role after about 15 minutes of rehearsal!

Equus was slower and definitely more serious. It was about a boy who finds himself in a psychiatric institution after he blinds 6 horses. I definitely enjoyed the second act more than the 1st, though. Daniel Radcliffe and Richard Griffiths were both fantastic. The following is a picture of the crowd of people that wait across the street after the show for Daniel Radcliffe to come out. It's absolutely ridiculous!

Shows I want to see..

There are a bunch of shows I want to see while I've been slacking this fall... here they are in no particular order:

All My Sons - closes January 11th
Billy Elliot - open ended
Shrek the Musical - open ended

I would've liked to have seen Boeing-Boeing and 13 the musical but they both close tomorrow, soo...

There are so many shows opening in the spring that I want to see...
Hair - previews 3/31
Guys and Dolls - previews 2/3
Hedda Gabbler - previews 1/6
You're Welcome, America.... - previews 1/20

I need to start taking more chances again!

A photo from last night...

Happy New Year!

So, even though I was upset over the guy, I got over and started the night over at World Bar (48th and 1st) where Lindsay was finishing up working, and then we headed down to Zum Schneider on East 7th and Avenue C.

I'd never heard of it before, but it's like a German beer hall in Alphabet City! I reconnected with some people from high school that I haven't seen since, which was nice. I could've chosen to continue to hold the grudge from the end of my senior year, but I'm awful at holding grudges and it was a new year, so I let it go. I had a stein (one liter) of Haufbrahaus specialty brew and a glass of champagne. It made me think of Munich... and I stole the stein!

I went home around 1:30am-ish and crossed the street to get a cab in the right direction and overheard two guys getting in a cab going to the Upper East Side, so I jumped in with them. They were totally stunned and like, "Who is this girl??" but it was cool and they invited me out with them, but I wanted to get home. One of them was named Brad...

It was a good night. Here are my resolutions:

1) Eat more fruits and vegetables
2) Use the gym in my building
3) Read all the books I got for Christmas
4) Don't settle for guys who aren't worth it
5) Stop stressing and get over current guy.