I wanna be over you.

You know the guy that's been practically ignoring me for 3-4 weeks now, except for when, you know, he has time to send me a 5 word text? Our texts tonight.

Him: Ooh nooo... How are you feeling? Poor sicky! Any fun NYE plans?
Me: I'm feeling run down, thanks, which my NYE plans are up in the air because of. You must be really busy that it took you a day to answer my text...
Him: Noo... I just saw your text. I didn't use my phone yesterday. More jersey fun! It's too cold to clean gutters. Are you resting?!
Me: Yes, I'm resting.
Him: Rest and soup!!! And maybe a few hours out? It's sooo cold out!
Me: Yeah, I'll be out tonight for a few hours. What're you doing?
Him: In [someplace], NY with college friends. Quet but fun! Headed anywhere fun?
Me: Yea, a few places. Have a good night, happy new year.
Him: Happy new year to you too! Can we play in '09?
Me: I'm not sure. Call me next year.
Him: Deal! :)

What the hell? Does he not understand that I'm upset or does he just not care? Whatever, happy new year!

First time.

I have no plans for NYE and I don't care!!!!

Haha.

They're such idiots. This is why I said NOT to bail out the big auto companies. I love this quote from Mark Cuban, "Lets see, is there anything more idiotic than spending more than 100k dollars on a full page ad “thanks for letting me waste your money” ad?"

Dumbasses.

Plans for tonight...

1) Drop off rent check
2) Exchange SATC dvd for 2-disc version at B&N on 82nd Street
3) Grocery shopping
4) Stop in Verizon store on 96th and Amsterdam
5) The City at 10pm!!

Oh, really, quiz master, ya think?

This couldn't have been more spot-on.

I am a catch.

I apologize in advance for how shallow and self-centered this blog is going to sound, but I'm being a bit toyed around by a guy right now, and frankly, I think he should appreciate me much more than he is and this is why.

Yes, I am sometimes a huge bitch, but that's usually just my 'honesty' being taken the wrong way. I am a lot of qualities that should be desired but I just haven't found that guy who will appreciate these qualities yet. I am honest (possibly to a fault), loyal (aka I don't cheat, never have, and won't hook up with guys who are in relationships), honest (I never lie), I'm witty and sarcastic, I'm very cute (some say beautiful, and no, not just my family), and believe it or not, despite myself (when I am in the right place in my life), I am an amazing girlfriend. I am actually very caring and do a lot of little thoughtful things. And I don't date guys (or use them) for their money - I always offer to pay. I like quirky guys. I generally date men with more personality than looks (right now I'm dating someone with an equal amount of both)... though that's not going so great right now, so I shouldn't be talking about it.

I'm not writing this for anyone's benefit but my own. I wanted to write this so I would have it to look back on when I'm feeling down because I honestly believe it. I have a lot of faults, but who doesn't? Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but I just need a bit more attention than I'm currently getting.

*

I had a lovely mini-vacation... Christmas was quiet, but lovely with our close family friends. Maine was great too. Lots of quality time with my younger cousin - and my aunt. Cooking galore! I finally got a tea pot! Yay! And I have a pink desk chair now... it looks cute in front of my pink curtains and mini pink Christmas tree!

I don't know whether I should finish reading The Devil Wears Prada or My Horizontal Life first... oh well, goodnight!

the loot...

a hot pink fleece throw, a pink pillow with a rhinestone crown on it, a necklace hanger, a ring holder, a pink chair for my desk, my pace diploma framed and ready to be hung (my parents have such a sense of humor), a nightie, a pink flowey shirt, english chocolate, a pink grocery tote, the hills season 3 on dvd, SATC the movie on dvd, the mother tongue (bill bryson), the lost continent (bill bryson), i hate my neck (book), blink (malcolm gladwell), i was told there'd be cake (book), weights, and i think that's it...

i asked my dad if we could exchange the SATC dvd to the 2-disc and he said, "yeah, i know you asked for that one, but i think those are a waste." hah. needless to say, i won! i'm showered and in my pink satin dress... almost time to go get chinese food with our fellow half-breeds! off to maine tomorrow, and i'm STOKED!

Happy/Merry Christmas!

My family's Christmas tree.

the first of the season..

the first starbucks giftcard of the season.... <3

Crossies!

I know, that word is very obnoxious. Let this one slide. My co-worker and I are crossing our fingers that our director decides to close the office completely tomorrow, instead of closing at 2pm.

The day always seems to speed by until about 12:30pm. Then time just shrugs by. Oh, clock, how I hate you.

Cross 'em!

Funny quote...

... from our holiday party when we were opening our "secret santa" gifts...

"Save the paper, cause we 'po!" - boss

(ps: he was kidding.)

It's the millenium!

Or my blog just got 2000 hits.

Happy 2000 hits!

Let it snow.

Didn't do a whole lot this weekend - the weather was intense and I stayed in! Except on Saturday night, I went out to get dinner... and obviously over to Magnolia's after. I didn't get one of these but they were so cute I had to photograph them! I have my first "session" tonight and then it's the season finale of The Hills! I'm totally excited and I won't deny it. I'm going home on Christmas Eve... and then Maine on Friday until Sunday. I'm super-stoked to be going to Maine. I haven't been since June and there will probably be awesome, awesome outlet sales at the Gap and Banana right after Christmas. Spending quality time with my family up there is fun too, I guess :) Here is a pretty picture of my walk way in the snow...

happy holidays from...

Merry Christmas. You were all great in bed. Hope you stay stiff biatch!

We got a postcard from The Jove today that said the above.

He's just not that into me.

This has crossed my mind more than once, and I've pushed it back. I think I have to admit it. Maybe he'll return from his vacation and the holidays and prove me wrong, but he's going to have to do a lot to prove to me that he's for real (I'm not holding my breath).

I can't take this anymore.

But I'm gonna need more
than what you're giving me
I wanna feel you but I feel empty
You gotta help me, you gotta meet me half way.
- Kelly Clarkson

I don't know whether to scream or cry right now.

Didn't you hear? Shoprite wouldn't put Adolf Hitler Campbell's name on his birthday cake? But Walmart would!

Office Reactions:

"He's gonna change his name by the time he's 12, or he's gonna be facing a whole lotta ugly from a never-ending parade of stupid." - Coworker

"Yes this is America, you are free to choose to make your child's life a living hell!" - Another coworker

Let it snow, let it snow...

The view out my window!

Haha-heehee-haha-ho...

I attended that last night, with Dan and Lindsay! It was a good time - and I put on my new pink satin dress that I got on sale for $20 at Old Navy (yes, I proudly shop there)! I'd never seen a gathering like this before, it was definitely an experience! I didn't get home til after 2!

AND it snowed today! HUGE flakes! Nothing stuck, but it was pretty to watch. It's supposed to snow more later tonight, maybe, yay! I'll already be happily inside my apartment and able to watch it :)

"Great minds wallow in the same gutter." - Coworker

This is completely accurate.

Every issue is the same stuff with new titles.

if you give a cat a christmas tree..

it'll claw its way inside.. this is a picture of a friend of a friend..

another funny boy.

me: You should bring a cute girl with you to Cabo.
paolo: yes, I should pack up with a cutie and relax. sadly the cuties I meet tend to be manufactured by Crazy, Inc.

love me, hate me, say what you want about me.

I didn't get the Aerosoles ones, but i got Aldo ones, with a shorter heel! i love them.


And I finally saw Frost/Nixon and it was fantastic. Really, really fantastic.

Like-mindedness.

me: i wanna get sparkly red nail polish...
jeremy: man, we have like the same thoughts
jeremy: scary

i want you.

i want you so bad.

And no one has them anymore.

One last affirmation.

Me: paolooooooo, why are men so confusing? :(
Paolo: they are not dear
you are overthinking it
you want tomorrow, today

Something Blue..

"I just didn't feel close to her. After this long, I should have felt close to her. Or at least had the sense that I knew her. . . I mean, I knew her taste in music, art, food, travel, literature. But I still didn't know her." - Ethan

It's weird to read this! I had felt after Sunday that I didn't know these facts (favorites, for instance) about him, but now I'm thinking that those are all frivolous and knowing the person is more important than all of that. And I do feel like I know him as a person, or at least getting to know him better with each passing day. And I do feel close to him.

So, needless to say, Something Blue was another amazing book by Emily Giffin. Now Love the One Your With has to come out in paperback! Tomorrow I'm going to see Ian's one act with Amy. Just like the good ol' days...

a normal conversation at work.

Me: Ugh, I have peanut butter stuck in my throat.
Doug: Well, just pretend it's a normal Saturday night, and what'd you do then?
Me, laughing: Ew!
Doug: You laughed!

Men are funny, sometimes.

Me: I stress out over lots of stuff so I don't sleep well.
Jeremy: I mean, I do understand that it's stressful watching Lauren [Conrad, from The Hills], and figuring out which guy she should be with.

New undies.

I love getting new undies... especially from Aerie and Old Navy. Here's the latest stash from Aerie that I received last night:

Bad dream.

I had an awful dream last night (this morning?). I dreamed that we were getting done with a date at his place and another he was seeing came over too early. And then he still tried to get me to come up anyways.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I know he's not like that (he's smarter). It wasn't the fact that he was seeing someone else that bothered me, it was that he wasn't smarter planning his dates further apart :P

We all have doubts.

I took in an advanced screening of the movie-adaptation of John Patrick Stanley's TONY winning play Doubt last night at the 34th Street Loews (thanks, American Theatre Wing!). It was very, very well done. The exteriors were filmed in the Bronx at the school that Stanley went to and the block he used to play on (fun fact!). I was never bored and hoping it'd be over soon, like I was on Broadway. The cast, including Meryl Streep, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Viola Rose, were all fantastic and gave great performances. They gave a talk back after in the theatre with John Patrick Stanley. It was just incredible to be sitting in the same room with such a talented group.

Doubt is out in theatres on December 12th, go see it!

Also Frost/Nixon comes out today! Another play-to-screen adaptation, check that out too!

1 pint + 3 glasses of wine = a slightly hung over Allison

So, dinner was had with Lindsay at Republic last night and then drinks a couple of hours later at McFaddens in midtown east, with some people that she knows. I couldn't decline offers for free drinks, now could I? It was a nice time! But right now... ugh. Where's my water?

Lindsay is one of those friends that you can literally talk to about anything. She always listens and sometimes criticizes, but like I pointed out to her last night, it's always constructive criticism. We talk about our faults and what we think we need to change about ourselves, and then when we can't take it anymore, we realize we must go see our therapists (mine is still in the process of being found).

I'm seeing someone very soon... and I'm incredibly excited because we haven't had anytime together in what feels like a long time.

2nd mantra..

I know I can trust my own judgment.

Affirmation of the day:

I choose to be happy.

No one is alone.

The weather in New York is freezing and wet, but I went to the Shake Shack & Duane Reade anyways. I bought this weeks' issue of New York Magazine (as seen above). 1 in every 2 New Yorkers live alone, but we are no where near as lonely as you would think. In fact, it said that people who live in small towns are much lonelier than urban city dwellers. The author said the average New Yorker's network of acquaintances can be just as good for ones health as a small group of "good" friends.

And ironically enough, I read the article by myself while eating a burger at the Shake Shack.

True Life: I'm a Southern Bell

"This is my boyfriend. He knows that one day he will be financially responsible and run our household, and I will entertain him!"

I do believe that people with this mentality are the reason why America is not as progressive as it should. The second girl is 24 and unmarred and fears becoming an "old maid." Are you SERIOUS? They all perform in beauty pageants, tease their hair, and aspire only to get married.

This girl that I went to school with refuses to go to Planned Parenthood because of the kind of "people" that go there AKA lower class, not-white people. She judges people like it's her job, but she doesn't want people to judge her for the current affair she is having at her office with a married man. Oh no, of course not. Hypocrites...

This is amazing.

From JuliaAllison:


I'm on the far left, size 12! (Same size as Marilyn Monroe!)

I ventured into Target on 225th Street and bought 21 on DVD for $8; and I spent most of the day today reading Baby Proof, I love Emily Giffin!

"ideal-weights" need to go.

I'm watching True Life: I'm a Yo-Yo Dieter and I can't understand why people have "ideal weights". I rarely get on a scale, it's usually only at doctors appointments. I don't care what my weight is, only that I'm happy with how I look.

I have friends with "ideal weights" and I just don't understand it. If anyone that reads this has an ideal weight, comment and let me know why you have such a fixation on a number! Please?

1,000!

Happy 1,000 hits for my blog!

Thanks for visiting everyone!

"She wasn't having sex because she wanted a relationship."

-Carrie on Samantha, Sex and the City

Hmmmmmmm.

Lenny Bruce, Langston Hughes..

If you can't say "fuck," then you can't say "fuck the government"!

- Lenny Bruce

Happy Thanksgiving!

So my mother came to spend the night with me last night so we could prepare Thanksgiving dinner early this morning. We went and saw the balloons being blown up (and passed by Tina Fey on 81st Street with her child), then to a really good Italian restaurant on West 4th, and then she dragged me to Marie's Criss on Grove. Yes, my mother dragged me to Marie's Crisis. It was fun!

We got up at 9am this morning to start cooking. We were done around 11 or 12, and I showered. Jason, a friend of mine who's family is in Texas, came over to eat around 3pm when everyone was done exploring my building and area. It was lots of fun! Jason was definitely a hit with my brother and my parents son, syncing up all three of their DS's and such. We ate, were merry, cleaned, and everyone left by about 8pm! He baked cookies too! What a guy. My favorite doorman is downstairs, I might go bring him food.

OH! And my parents brought my new TV & DVD player. I've gone from a 13" to a 32"! Woohoo! I'm watching Home Alone on it now. Classic.

Things I Am Thankful For:
my family
my true friends
my job
my apartment (finally!)
being able to have gone to the final performance of rent
my health
the boys i've dated recently!
my travels around europe this summer & everyone i met <3

AND this dog is the cutest dog ever (thanks Jason):

I just wanted to let you know..

This is the longest day ever.

Broadway has lost one of it's brightest lights.

RIP Gerald Schoenfeld
1924 - 2008

Members of the Broadway theatre community share their thoughts, condolences and memories about the life and career of Gerald Schoenfeld, Chairman of The Shubert Organization, who died Nov. 25.

DARYL ROTH, producer and theatre owner
"He was just such the gentleman of the theatre. When I was starting out [as a producer] 20 years ago, he was a person I had known through friends. When I began producing, he was always very gracious and encouraging to me. He was always anxious to hear what everyone was doing, he was excited to know. For people just starting out, he was very excited to know what plays were interesting to you. You always like someone to feel like they're rooting for you. And he was very caring about the people who worked in the shows in his theatres, very caring about the artists. That's the most important thing, making people who work for you feel cared for."

PHILIP S. BIRSH, president and publisher, Playbill
"It is with great sadness that we learn today of the death of Gerald Schoenfeld. All of Gerald Schoenfeld's friends and colleagues at Playbill mourn his passing. He was a great friend of Playbill and the Birsh family for over 40 years. We will miss him greatly. We send our condolences to his widow Pat and his entire family. His immense impact on the theatre and the theatre community will be felt for decades."

HUGH JACKMAN, actor
"Jerry was one of the true greats — a class act through and through. I am heartbroken to hear of his passing and know Broadway's lights will never shine quite as bright with him gone. This is a great loss to the theatre community and beyond. His brilliance, kindness, and creativity will never be forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and loved ones."

MICHAEL P. PRICE, executive director, Goodspeed Musicals
"I've known him for 40 years. He was a mentor, a friend, and he didn't hesitate to tell me what he thought — and how to guide my life. I was very fortunate to have him as a friend. I met him and [late Shubert partner Bernard B. Jacobs] at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre Center. He was a father figure to me…and they were teachers, Bernie and Jerry together. He loved the theatre, it was in his blood, he pulsed with it. [After the Broadway run of the musical Amour], Jerry kept pushing me to do it at Goodspeed. I've never produced a play that someone else told me, 'you've gotta do it.' Jerry called and said, 'I love Amour.' It turned out to be one of the most beautiful productions we've done. It was Jerry's baby. He kept pushing me to do it. He loved its humanity…it was about people, it was about love."

MARK ZIMMERMAN, president, and JOHN P. CONNOLLY, executive director, Actors' Equity Association
"Gerald Schoenfeld was a true man of the theatre and unequaled in his vision and leadership. A gentleman in every way, he was also a fair but tough bargainer at the negotiating table and worked tirelessly to make Broadway the gold standard in American theatre. His passing is a great loss to us all, and our sympathies go to his family, The Shubert Organization and our colleagues in the theatre."

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER, composer
"I adored Jerry. My standing joke with him was that he should play Max in Sunset Boulevard. We bantered back and forth all the time. Broadway has lost a fantastic personality. My best to Pat at this difficult time."

ARIELLE TEPPER MADOVER, producer
"I first met Jerry in 1998 at the downtown production of Freak, but he had known my family for many years. He introduced himself and said, 'Come see me at the office.' I was 25 and scared to produce my first Broadway show, but through it all, he'd always say to me, 'Don't worry about it. It will be fine.' That was Jerry. I've never had a show that wasn't in one of his houses. He was always so encouraging — that is the thing that will be hardest about this. He was always behind me, always there for me, always watching out for me — no matter what the situation was. Doing a show without him will never be the same."

NEIL PEPE, director
"This is a sad day for the American theatre. Gerald Schoenfeld was one-of-a-kind and a true theatre legend. His passing feels like the end of an era. It is an honor to have directed my first Broadway show, Speed-the-Plow, in one of his beautiful theatres."

PETER SCHNEIDER, producer
"Even the first time I met Jerry, 30 years ago, he was a larger-than-life force. He was passionate and demanding and made it seem that the impossible was expected. He mentored so many of this generation's leadership. I will miss his laugh and hugs."

OSKAR EUSTIS, artistic director, The Public Theater
"Jerry was a larger-than-life figure. He was a smart businessman and producer, but it was his love for the theatre, and the shows he produced, that will stay with me. I watched him fall in love with Stew and Passing Strange last year, and it was all the more beautiful because it was obvious even Jerry couldn't really explain why this story of a young African-American artist from Los Angeles moved him so much. (The closest he came was to describe their similar waistlines: 'Mesomorphs have to stick together.') But what he loved, he supported, and Passing Strange would never have gone to Broadway without him. As he did with so many of us, Jerry took me under his wing, gave me the tour of the Shubert offices, passed on the stories and knowledge gleaned from a lifetime of working on Broadway. On our second meeting, he took me into his office and read to me the first chapter of his still-unpublished memoirs. I was enthralled: they were smart, direct, and startlingly frank about his organization and career. His anger was formidable but his heart was generous. I never doubted that he saw himself as part of a community and of a noble profession. To say that he will be missed is trying to put words on the unnamable: none of us can imagine Broadway without him."

ANDREW D. HAMINGSON, executive director, The Public Theater
"I remember the first time I met Jerry: when he lectured at a class I was taking at NYU. For all of us who were just starting in the business, the chance to hear from Mr. Schoenfeld (or 'Mr. Shubert,' as we called him) was worth all of that tuition that we paid. Sure, he shared the war stories and talked about what it was like to run his incredible theatre organization — but what was life-changing was how he gently grilled us when we asked a question. 'What is it that you really want to know?' he would ask again and again — not being dismissive or cranky, but wanting the students to get at the essence of the question. He was, after all, an attorney and this was his way of teaching a bunch of theatre manager wannabes the Socratic Method: Get to the meat of the matter. Jerry was always happy to take a few minutes at an opening night or at a Broadway Association lunch to ask, 'How's it going, kid? What's on the horizon at your theatre?' And encouraging me to keep up the good work — keep doing great theatre. I will dearly miss that encouragement and that grilling. My thoughts are with Pat, all of Jerry's family, and the entire Shubert team."

RANDALL L. WREGHITT, producer
"There are those people who as soon as you meet them, you just know how lucky you are to count them as your friend. Jerry's kindness and generosity to me for the past 15 years has been such a part of my career as a producer. Whether it was discussing a show, an opening night, or just to catch up, I would look forward to those meetings and phone calls. His wit...his wisdom...and all those wonderful stories! I simply cannot believe he is gone..."

BERNADETTE PETERS, actress
"I can't imagine not seeing him at every opening night, sitting on the aisle. He was a great friend and supporter of the Broadway community. There will be a large void, and I will miss him."

BOB BOYETT, producer
"On a day like today I can only think of my personal relationship with Jerry. From the very day I produced my first Broadway show, he gave me advice and guidance like a friend. He was never too busy to inquire about my personal health and well being. Although a man with great love for theatre and for the practice of good business principles, he was first and foremost a person who cared about people. He did expect a high standard of good behavior and decorum, but he was one of the most loyal people I have ever known. His many acts of personal kindness are too numerous to ever be recorded. He was always there for the worthy who needed a job or a little support along the way. Jerry was also a great wit and raconteur. To sit with him in his office and hear his many theatrical anecdotes was pure joy. I shall miss him terribly."

HOWARD SHERMAN, executive director, American Theatre Wing
"For generations now, it has been impossible to speak about Broadway without thinking of the enormous impact of Gerald Schoenfeld. His career was integral to the life of the Great White Way, and we hope that Pat and his family take comfort in knowing that his influence and his profound love of theatre has been felt and will continue to be felt by artists and audiences for generations to come."

SCOTT SANDERS, producer
"Jerry Schoenfeld was a consummate professional and a delightful gentleman. For over three decades he has been a friend, a mentor and, in every dealing I ever had with him, was someone whose word was his bond. He will be missed."

CHRIS BONEAU and ADRIAN BRYAN-BROWN, theatrical press agents, Boneau/Bryan-Brown
"[We] and everyone at BBB mourn the passing of Gerald Schoenfeld. Jerry was a true gentleman of the theatre who gave his heart and soul to Broadway. During his long and legendary career, he brought great talents to his theatres, championed the works of many artists and and brought tremendous joy to many, many people. Gerald Schoenfeld was a true leader, a mentor to scores of people within our industry and a remarkable teacher so willing to share his vast knowledge and love of the theatre. To say he was one of a kind is an understatement. He will be sorely missed."

Judgmental.

I'm so very judgmental, and closed minded about certain things. (Though I think partially that admitting that gives me a bit more credit.) I don't understand why people are so overly religious, or overly conservative so I just don't try to understand. I write those people off as stupid and unintelligent, and it's not okay but it happens. Anyone who says anything masochistic also gets written off. I should try to stop being so volatile.

I just felt this needed to be said out loud.

Revolution.

You say you want a revolution,
Well, you know,
We'd all love to change the world.

A co-worker said that he thinks there's going to be a revolution in America soon. The gays are unhappy, the Wall Street tycoons are unhappy, the Catholics are unhappy, the car makers are unhappy, the Manhattan subway riders are about to be unhappy...

With so many unhappy people, things can't stay how they are. This is a very interesting time to be living in America, and especially New York.

OHHHHHHHH....

"TOO much regulation? You might be part of a group of people that could fill a phone booth that think that!"

- CNN news achor

A commentator said that TOO much regulation has killed the market, first with Bush and now Obama wants to add more. IS HE KIDDING?

I think the huge car companies should be re-managed to produce hybrids ONLY or maybe to be public transportation companies.

OR they can close and their workers can be retrained by the government to work on Obama's new plan to make America greener and more energy efficient (I think it's going to cost $300 billion?). Send some of that bailout money to help the workers who will be out of a job because of some greedy CEOs.

A Red Light Kind-of Winter

I took in Red Light Winter at my alma mater tonight. I wasn't emotionally grasped in the first act, though much comedic relief was brought effortlessly by Arnaud Spanos (Davis). It wasn't until the middle of Act 2 when Rory Meditz (Matt) gave his monologue (his confession his feelings for Christina) that I got that same haunting feeling (of "I know how he feels! I've had a night like that before, oh my god.") that I got the first time I saw the show at the Barrow Street Theatre. Meditz really did it for me. He really grasped his character and garnered the audiences (okay, mine) sympathy.

After that monologue, I fell in love with the production despite its downfall(s). It runs at 1 Pace Plaza in the new 501 Space on October 21st (8pm) and October 22nd (2pm & 8pm). There is a suggested $5 donation at the door.

My cousin is WISE.

My cousin (well, technically first-cousin-once-removed) is closing in on 60 years old and a very good friend of mine, she is completely wise and awesome! I was emailing with her today and here are a few things she said...

if you are constantly agitating, then you are the one who is expressing disapproval . . .

then...

well, injecting drama into things serves a couple of purposes (again, a 'couple' among many once you start excavating your own particular brainscape, i'm sure you'll find others):

*the first thing that drama does is that it puts YOU at the center of, well, everything. makes you very important. it's kind of like emotional job security

*the other thing it does is it keeps you from (actually it ROBS you) of the NOW experience of the other person and the potential of the relationship since you are so actively involved in authoring this drama about what you're not getting . . .

*it denies others' realities and disappears them as people who have to be dealt with PERSONALLY . . . they just become characters in YOUR DRAMA

*it's a great defense mechanism . . . but, like all defense mechanisms, while you think it's helping you to stay unharmed, it's also keeping you from learning anything. if you spend your energy wrapped in your own story, you'll never be available to get value from anyone else's.

and lastly:

no the 'rap' on wanting the attention on you is not that it's selfish (i don't think there's anything wrong with being selfish)

the problem with creating drama so you can be at the eye of the storm is that YOU'RE MAKING UP THE WHOLE FUCKING SCENARIO . . . shit's all in your head . . . so, yes, you get

to be the STAR of your drama but then you totally miss the other people - and the potential for how knowing them can grow you -

and that's important because without growth one NEVER questions one's assumptions and if you don't question your assumptions you START TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR BULLSHIT
DRAMA is the real deal . . .

Wisdom to think about.

Larry King Live..

This is the end of capitalism as we know it, and GOOD RIDDANCE!

- Michael Moore on Larry King Live

"My fear is that you're going to take the $25 billion and continue the same stupid decisions you've been making for 25 years!" - US Senator

I don't know if you've heard, but GM, Ford, and Chrysler CEO's took private jets to come beg the Senate for a $25 billion bail out. Could you get much more ironic/hypocritical then that? Here's how I see the situation:

- The big American car makers decided a few years ago that they didn't want to invest money in developing fuel efficient or hybrid cars, because they wanted to make the money now (meaning back a few years ago).
- Gas hits $4+ per gallon of gas and people stop buying new cars and especially SUVs.
- Ford/GM/Chrysler have LOTS of cars on the lot that aren't selling and they aren't making money.
- They're about to go under because of bad decisions that they've made and now they want tax payers money.

A general consensus is that American cars are crap anyways. So, I say, let them go under. Yes, I realize that almost 3 million jobs will be lost, but some very greedy & stupid CEO's will hopefully go under with the companies and hopefully have learned a lesson (I know, long shot).

I'm watching CNN and they showed clips of the CEO's getting an ear full (and being ripped a new one) by several members of the Senate, above is what one of them said.

Money well spent.

I took four pairs of shoes to a shoe fixer today and I picked them up this evening, and it was $54 well spent. My $200 boots look practically new again! When I told my mother that I took shoes to get fixed, do you know what she said? "Why don't you just buy new ones?" I think she's the only mother in the world who would say that!

Male Adulterers and the Women Who Sleep With Them: An acquaintance of mine recently ended an affair with a married man she works with. I'm really not judging - but I don't know how women can do it. I hooked up with a guy who had a girlfriend once - and I chose to never see him again because the mere thought of him disgusted me. It wasn't worth it. I would never want that to happen to me (and it hasn't yet, knock on wood!) so I don't know why I would inflict it on another woman (not matter how heinous she is). But mainly, it's just the thought of how in despicable the man to lie to his significant other like that that turns me off of the whole idea.

I have one of the guiltiest consciences around, hence why I don't lie or steal. And lest we not forget, karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around.

It's official.

I'm obsessed with Old Navy's cardigans. They're incredibly soft and cozy. I might go buy them in every color.

My Shopping Demise

So, I did it, I went shopping. First, let me just say, the weather is DISGUSTING today. It's hot and humid, it's absolute rubbish (hehee, that's for Phil). I went to Old Navy first and spent a while in there since I had this plastic bag. I got this really cute brown & white dress, which I'm quite excited to wear. Then I took the Q down to Union Square and went to DSW, a few other shoe stores on 14th street, Anthropologie, and the two Urban Outfitters on 6th Avenue. I didn't find anything in any of those stores. Is it just me, or is Anthropologies' clothing really ugly? And it all looks like it should be worn in Victorian times, not today. I almost found a pair of really cute brown boots on 14th street for $40, but they didn't fit.

*

I'm back at the office now, and I was just thinking about this country's (and my mothers) tight-assed attitude towards sex (no pun intended... okay, maybe a little). My mother gets on my case every now and then whenever we discuss the topic of sex and how I don't believe it's sacred and all that BS, and she says something like, "Women who respect their bodies don't just give it away to everyone."

Another example of backwards thinking. Why can't we view sex as what it is? Pleasure. That's it. Most people who partake in this extracurricular activity, do it for that reason, not to diminish self-respect, etc. Why is it always the woman who is giving herself "away"? Why isn't the woman getting the mans' body? And what does that exactly mean, because technically, you're not giving anything away, you're simply giving into pleasure and enjoying yourself.

I understand some peoples need for monogamy out of fear for contracting STDs [and because they want to feel needed, or they need to have someone there for them (oftentimes a substitute for dealing with low-self esteem issues)] so I think that OBGYNs should be required to test for all STDs at all yearly check-ups. Women shouldn't have to ask, because most likely they'll be too embarrassed to and end up walking around and spreading a disease or virus because of it. Men, too, should do this, and we should develop a new type of doctor that is the male version of an OBGYN, because I don't feel it's a very good idea for women to have this specific kind of doctor, but not men. It might give some men the idea that women are... I don't even know! But... it's not fair (or safe).

In closing, I think condoms should be free and given out in schools and pharmacies everywhere.

Well...

My mother sent me a bag for 20% off whatever I can fit in my bag from Old Navy so I guess I'll use it...

"They should be able to sing something like 'jesus was killed on the cross'!"

This was when we were talking just now in the office about being PC during the holidays. Her friend is a music teacher in Jersey and they're singing a Channukah song and a Divali (Hindu holiday) song, but they're not singing any really jesus-ey or Christmas-ey songs.

I was amused.

I was watching CNN last night and one of the commentators said that he thinks we're going into a period of "severe political correctness"... um, I think we're there already and we need to severely lighten up. The holidays are, for most people, not religious celebrations but mere excuses to make big dinners, and most importantly get presents.

I think we should all just celebrate Chrismakwanzaakah, and call it a deal.

"Gay, straight,; black, white; marriage is a civil right!"

I was trying to think of something meaningful to write about today, and nothing came to mind except this. I walked past a huge march of people rallying together in the name of civil rights - the one on the front-burner today being equal rights for gays to marry. I completely support this, should it ever be passed, but as an agnostic (maybe atheist) I support marriage being stricken from law books everywhere, for EVERYone, COMPLETELY... that is if marriage truly is a religious matter.

If marriage is a religious matter, then why does the government have any say in it at all? That's a direct breach of our supposed "separation of church and state" grounding that we have as a country. Tax cuts because you're married? The government is obviously pro-marriage (and pro-christian in the same right) with all these laws for tax benefits and breaks for married couples. The government can even consider a couple married when they've never had the ceremony! (i.e. common-law marriage) Benefits, breaks, and restrictions pertaining to marriage should be struck the Constitution completely.

That said... I know that will never, ever happen, so in the meantime, until lawmakers come to their senses, I fully, and totally, support gay marriage and any lengths the gay community is going to to make it so.

Watching the protesters was truly inspiring. It made me feel as though we're entering another period similar to that of the 1960's where people are fired up, and they're passionate enough to actually do something instead of just talking about it. There were heterosexual women standing on the sidelines holding signs that said, "We're straight but not narrow, let our friends marry!"

Like a colleague of mine said, they've truly opened a can of worms with Prop 8 and I don't think there's any looking back now.

No one told us that 22 was the year you were going to learn everything.

For both my best friend and I, 22 has been a huge year of growth so far.

I had a long-awaited dinner date with one of my oldest and dearest best friends, since I was three and a half, last night. We went to Cosi on 51st and Broadway and had a lovely two hour dinner and conversation. We talked about everything that's been going on in our lives and I was really appreciative afterward because she was asking my advice and I was giving it, honestly, as usual, and she listened and wasn't offended and didn't take anything I said as "judging" her. It made me realize that people have to be totally secure in their friendships to take criticism or advice in stride from other friends, and not perceive it as judgment. That, I think, comes with time, trust, and being comfortable with who yourself as a person.

That said, I'm starting to realize which friendships I'm completely secure in, and that makes me very happy.

Gala = Success!

Everyone enjoyed themselves and it was great! Tavern on the Green is super-tacky on the inside, but the outside is very pretty! We took a photo at the end, I'll post it if it came out well. Charles Isherwood came to see Beachwood Drive tonight and I said, "Oh! I recognize you from Show Business!" He laughed.

I'm going sale-rack shopping this weekend at DSW & Urban Outfitters. I'm excited.

I just wanted to acknowledge how lucky I am to be dating this wonderful guy that I happen to be dating right now. "Dating": what does this term even mean? I mean it in the most lax way possible right now. Anyways, I never feel like he's "forgotten" about me, which is very lovely and a nice change.

I think I feel my Tylenol PM kicking in...

"Molly"-esque

Remember when "Molly" of the American Girls put pin curls in her hair? I'm kind of doing that now... they're faux pin curls. I would put up a picture but I'd rather not!

Tonight is the Abingdon Theatre Company's Gala... so I'll be over at Tavern on the Green around 5:30 until probably midnight. It'll be a lot of work, but lots of fun! I will post pictures later!

Playing on the defense.

I realized last night that I'm way too defensive when it comes to men. Whenever I meet a guy for the first time [at a bar or whatever], I don't go through the usual phases of flirting, smiling, and laughing at whatever stupid things he's saying.... no, instead I tell them right up front, "don't call me baby," or whatever else his banter ignites in me.

I am way too defensive when it comes to men - how I've gotten to know the current two so well is beyond me. I don't like to come off as vulnerable, so I think that's it partially. I also like to give men [save for the current two] a hard time, a really hard time. I like to see how much banter they can take until they're ready to walk away - then I hold back. This lyric describes it perfectly:

And when you're crawling over broken glass to get to me,
That's when I'll let you stay.

Cooking, mmmmm.

So I'm not as terrible as I've thought for all these years! It's the buying of all the ingredients that gets me, or and following directions. I made my co-workers magical macaroni and cheese that she made a few weeks ago when we watched the debates. I burned it a little on the top, but it's yummy anyways!

I got inspiration on the train home from the matinee and wrote the first poetry I've written since the summer. It was amazing, and maybe I'll post it here, sometime. I'm starting to dig out the hard copies of all writing from the past 4-8 years. There's been a lot.

I've always been an extremely expressive writer. I guess it comes from writing a lot of plays, poems, and blogging for the last almost-decade. It's a way I express myself. But is writing your feelings online because there's no other way to express them wrong?

Email me! - thatgirlallison08@gmail.com

I'm drinking more soda.

It needs to stop! I resisted yesterday, let's see if I can resist tonight.

I had a low key Friday night, until midnight when I met up with Aaron* for drinks at Calle Ocho. It's where we were supposed to go on our first date, but it turned out to be over packed, so instead we ended up at his apartment with homemade cocktails. We talked a lot. I told him about searching for a therapist and the website I'd found, and he said, "Do you want me to call my old therapist for suggestions? I'd honestly feel better if you found someone that way than through a website." I was touched, to say the least. He also said that he thinks I'm trying to find out who I am and be comfortable with myself, but when I do that I will be a force to be reckoned with.

I think the first step on that path is to surround myself with people who I trust and who make me feel good about myself. If I'm always worrying about "friends" talking about me behind my back, I can't fully be confident in myself.

*name has been changed

Oh my God!

"Dude, what happened to your hair?!"

This is one of the reasons why I love my co-worker Sarah (aside from the fact that she let me live with her for a month and a half while I was apartment hunting, that too). She tells it like it is. I had my hair looking funky (headband + claw clip because I was hot) and she just wanted to make sure I knew what I looked like.

Another person who deserves recognition in this category is my long-time friend Lindsay. She'll always listen until I become too much... just too much. She will always support me, and she's there for me - but she's not afraid to tell me when I'm being nuts and need to see a therapist, and I appreciate that.

I've often been told I'm too honest or I'm hurtful in my comments, but really, most people don't tell their friends the truth. I do, and I don't apologize about it. I tell my feelings almost all of the time and people are often shocked at whatever I say, or however I feel. I was about get angry at one of my best friends from childhood last night, then I thought twice and thought it wasn't worth making a commotion even though I was hurt. Past arguments with other friends have been valid though, and I always end up having to condescend to them and apologize, say let bygones be bygones, and we're friends again.

I just can't stand to do that anymore with people who aren't worth it.

Perfect song.

My night last night with the guy was awesome. Another lovely sleepover. I couldn't find the song to describe my feelings as of late until "Nothing New" by Ashlee Simpson shuffled its way onto my iPod tonight. Please, no one read too much into this, I'm slightly PMS'ing this week and recovering from my colposcopy!


*
Oh, I can only be myself,
I'm sorry that's hell for you.
Hey - so what's my damage today?
Don't let me get in your way.
Let it out like you always do,
The trouble between me and you
Is nothing new.
*
You know how to give it but you can't take it.
It's all just a waste now you can save it.
No matter what I do,
Is never good enough, never good enough
*

YES WE CAN!

Last night was one of the greatest nights I've had recently. I spent it at a party at ExitArt [a gallery] in midtown with Rhett, and we drank and cheered as Obama took New Hampshire, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

Then as the open bar closed and the chili that was being served ran out, we went back to my place, ordered turkey and veggie burgers and watched Obama take California, Florida, Washington, and Oregon... and the office of President Elect of the United States of America!

Five million people logged onto Facebook and said they voted. I woke up early and I waited in line for an hour and it was totally worth it. The lines were unbelievable. Rhett and I leaned out my window last night after the stroke of midnight when it was declared that Obama was the projected winner, and everyone on the streets were cheering all the way down to Central Park West, the people on the corner were screaming, people were honking their horns, and of course Rhett and I were jumping for joy. My aunt called me right away, as did my mother. AT&T service was failing because of how many calls were being made (Rhett couldn't make a call for a few minutes after the announcement!). I called one of my oldest and most dear friends in Florida and rejoiced with him too. If you put on CNN or MSNBC, you would see people celebrating around the world like it was the millennium again. I don't think such a celebrated leader could bring harm our way.

Elisabeth Hasselback looked absolutely sedated on The View today, and I do NOT believe she was being sincere, but as long as she's not causing riots, live and let live! McCains concession speech was definitely a "sad grandpa" and Palin looked absolutely STUNNED they didn't win. Go back to Alaska, woman. And all the Wall Streeters (including an ex of mine) saying, "Congratulations, you just elected a socialist!", please move to Canada (as you threatened and I do hold you to your word). I don't believe Obama is a socialist. I think that he believes people who make the most should be paying the highest taxes - which I fully agree with. Wall Street CEOs might have to settle with only make $500k a year instead of $700k. The anti-socialists are thinking about pure greed only. This country won't turn into 5 mile long bread-lines. At best, everyone would have some semblance of health care and not have to foreclose on their houses. God, that sounds AWFUL.

One awful thing from the election though were all the Propositions passing. It's awful, and I hate it, but if we are defining marriage based on what the BIBLE says, than outlaw civil marriages. You want a "marriage" - go to the church. Everyone, gay or straight, gets a civil union. That's one way to settle this. We are supposed to have a separation of church and state, let's act like it.

A former boss of mine edited his Facebook status last night to say, "It's not us versus them anymore. It's just us." and I totally agree. We have a leader than can unite us now (and aren't him and his family gorgeous?) and let's stop with the negativity and come together.

You say you want a revolution,
Well, you know,
We all want to change the world.

Don't speak.

I'm about to go to bed but I wanted to write this first. I hate with a passion when significant others call each other baby. It's patronizing and condescending. I've never done it, or allowed a significant other to do it. I'll meet guys in bars who will start with it right off the bat and I make a point to tell them that that isn't okay. I've had friends that have said it makes them "cringe" and then proceed to do it in their next relationship.

Why don't you use their name? Can you not remember it? I think it's definitely more intimate to be using someones' name than a pet name that could be used on anyone. Neither of the current guys have ever tried calling me "baby" and it's not because I've told them - because I haven't, I think they just have more class than that.

Unless you're role playing, I think alternate names [names aside from your first] should be left outside of a relationship.

But then, maybe that's just me...

Oh yes... GO VOTE!!!!!!

And that's how I feel right now, so just let me be.

I watched Elizabeth: the Golden Age finally yesterday in between shows! Frankly, I was quite bored. I don't recommend the movie, go with Elizabeth or The Other Boyelyn Girl for English history.

I went out with a good friend from high school after the night show... I hung out at her new job [Atlantic Grill] and the bartender treated me to a Cosmo while I waited! We kept it low key... pizza first, then drinks at a pub down the street and watched the end of a football game [UT vs TX Tech] - which neither of us really understood. It was good quality girl time. :o)

Trying to explain the benefits of an open relationship to a parent...

.. is like trying to explain that Jesus was just a pot smoking hippie to a born-again Christian. It's IMPOSSIBLE.

My date, from the other night, and I who are seemingly in an "open relationship" talked about trying to explain to our respective parental figures how it it beneficial. My mother was positively unreceptive, to say the very least, and his dad, being a guy and a bit more open minded, was only a tad more accepting to the idea. I've been dating said-guy for one-and-a-half or two months now, and I've known from the start that he's been all-about open relationships and it has not bothered me one bit. We talk about the people we date outside of each other and we know that we're seeing each other because we want to and not because of aforementioned rules.

Now, this is my first time trying one of these out and I'm still not totally sure they're for me, but I'm exploring and trying something new. But for right now, I'm not closing off my options and it's working out. I'm getting-to-know two fantastic gentlemen.

My mother said to me on the phone, "how would you feel if you knew one of them was seeing someone else as well?" I didn't have the heart to tell her I already did, and it doesn't bother me at all!

My mother used the defense, "because it's not normal!" which is completely ridiculous to me because what's normal for one person might not be normal for another. Normality is conformity, and don't they encourage us as kids NOT to conform? And just because something isn't normal doesn't mean it's not good.

Happy Halloween, for starters...

I was honest for a second night in a row! After the guy #1 asked if I was seeing anyone, I said yes and told him about the other one and asked if he'd ever be offended if I wanted to try something exclusive with the other guy [should it ever come to that] and he said absolutely not and he hopes that I feel comfortable enough to talk to him about anything. Both of these guys are fantastic. I slept so well last night! My anxiety is almost entirely gone, and it's all thanks to me... I actually cured myself.

"W" was pretty good! I enjoyed it. For anyone who knows nothing about George W. Bush, it's a LOT to take in, but honestly, and I hate to say this, who doesn't know who he is? It humanized Bush and gave him more layers than we have ever been exposed to before, and also made you feel really bad for him - the father/son dynamic... he has [seemingly] grown up feeling as though he's never measured up well enough for his fathers approval. It also gave me new respect for Bush Sr.

We got some very, very, VERY exciting news in our Staff Meeting today at work, but I don't think I'm allowed to say anything yet - not online at least, but my co-workers and I couldn't stop talking about it all day. When I am at liberty to write about it, I will!

I'll be down at The Crocodile Lounge (14th, btw 1st and 2nd], if anyone's in the neighborhood! I will be there celebrating my friend Nicks' birthday, with my friend Chris that I haven't seen in forever and he's bringing some people too!

Our actress who's playing the female Russian mobster just arrived at the theatre dressed as Little Bo Peep... hehe!!

I get an A+++!

... for actually saying what I wanted! I actually sat the guy down last night and told him how I felt about this past Sunday night, that I felt like things moved too rapidly, and I wanted to slow it down a bit, lay off the sex for a bit, and is this okay with him. His response:

"Of course! That's totally fine. Hey, I won't even touch you!" He smiled, and then put his arms around me and kissed me a few dozen times. I thanked him profusely during the course of the night, but I knew I needn't, I just wanted to emphasize how much I appreciated his response. We slept incredibly closely in his bed after that.

This has only made me like him all the more.

We watched The Strangers last night. The director and writer[s] did a very good job at building suspense, but the end was kind of a let down. They stabbed the two protagonists and did so "because they were home" and then left them to bleed to death. It still creeped me out though! Tonight I'm seeing "W." I'm looking forward to it!

Back to the box office...

Would a guy. . .

... that really liked me respect it if I asked him if we could not have sex for a little while longer even though we've already done so once? Reason being because I feel like I did it too soon?

Oh, and I'm officially an adult.

I sent away my first rent check and cable bill today. And I still have a really nice amount of money left in my account! I think I'm going to go look for a Halloween costume tomorrow or the day after... Any suggestions as to what I should be? I don't even really have plans but I feel like I should do something...

And I think I like him... I'm sad that he's not sleeping in my bed tonight.

Changes

I feel like a definite change of pace is needed until those people are not "making" me feel like shit. I put quotes around the word making because technically no one can make you feel any specific way - we feel the way we do because of ourselves, no one else.

I had a really lovely night [and morning] with the guy last night. We went to a restaurant on the UWS for dinner, and I had a killer macaroni and cheese. For one of the first times in my life, I was aggressive and he certainly didn't mind, though he admitted he wasn't expecting anything! Every time I think he's great, he reveals something else about him that makes me think even better of him [this is why I gave him a tooth brush that is marked as his now, hehe]. Am I starting to like him? I have no idea . . . I'm just going to keep taking it slow.

Obama's "closing" speech today was amazing. When he mentioned one of McCains policies and people started booing, he paused and looked up and said, "No need to boo! Just VOTE!" And that was it, I officially love him. He's above all the counterproductive shouting and hateful comments, something the Republican rallies appear to endorse quite a lot. I'm so ready for election day to be here and over with!

After work yesterday, I went for a walk through Central Park because it was gorgeous out, and I took my camera with me. I liked taking pictures of the sun. My walk ended down at Strawberry Fields. I headed to Crumbs after and got a cinnamon apple cupcake! YUM!

My day off today was great, very relaxing. I went back to sleep after he left to get to work til noon, it was niceeeee. I still have a bit of re-organizing to do, especially of desk stuff. I'm getting Elizabeth: The Golden Age from Netflix tomorrow, yay! I spent tonight after something I had to do at work, I came home, and found out some jackass called me fat because he found out I didn't find him attractive... so I had to do some yoga after that. We all have our insecurities. That one only effects me when someone says it - otherwise, I like how I look.

If I never hear the words "maverick" or "joe the plumber" again...

It'll be too soon.

I'm watching Palin's speech in Des Moines on CNN and she explained to her audience what a tax cut was.... Or was she explaining it to herself? Oh, and little Knocked-up Palin isn't there - but standing right behind Palin at the podium is a couple who looks no older than 17, holding a baby!

Yay! More successes from abstinence-only education!

AWESOME!

What happens on prom night...

Prom Night was so awful that it was amazing! I predicted every plot twist, every step of the way, but it was still incredibly suspenseful! (Yeah, that doesn't make sense to me either.)

I'm in the box office now - getting ready to open up soon. I'm trying to give away a bunch of my cookies to the cast and crew - I made too many!! I don't think I'm going to go out tonight again, I've got a full day ahead of me tomorrow [which I'm so excited for]. I'll probably do some yoga & crunches again, maybe meditate too. But if anyone would like to come over, drink some white zinfandel, and watch Becoming Jane with me, let me know!

I wish I could be burning all these movies that I'm getting off Netflix - does anyone have a good burning program that breaks the protection code off the DVDs? Please comment and let me know.

How did this happen?

I'm still harping on this! It's the first time that I've ever dated two men consecutively. I'm starting to sway away from over-analyzing it and just go with the flow and play it "cool."

Just to set the record straight - I'm not sleeping with both of them. The second guy (well, the guy I met second) had his chance to make his move on me in that sense this week, and he didn't push a THING. Isn't that amazing? A hetero-guy I know said that's a good sign that he probably wants to take things slow because he wants to see me again. Again, this is very endearing, but even the ladies of The View brought the subject up of taking things slowly in a new relationship and whether or not you should sleep with someone on a first date. One of them said, "What are you waiting for?!" I agree. Though I have taken things slowly before - but also, sleeping with someone right away takes a lot of the pressure and tension out of the mix. /end rant

Wednesday night was fabulous - I have about 30 new Beatles/John Lennon recordings taking up most of my hard drive and my date gave me a very new and very expensive toy from, um, Babeland. It was seriously a stroke of luck that we got on so well when we first met, and I'm very happy to have met him.

I've been trying to make plans for this weekend with people I haven't seen for a while but it seems their only free day is Sunday - the day that I'm already triple -booked for (work -> friend -> date). Then, of course, there are the friends that seemingly never have time for you, and never try to make the time to see you [or your new apartment] ever, and it leaves you wondering, "why am I even trying?"

Has anyone else ever felt like that? I'm hoping "this too shall pass."

I'm very excited for Sunday night - we'll probably go to an exotic restaurant on the UWS. His thing, knowing that I'm a picky eater, is to introduce me to new kinds of food - I think the next type on our list is Brazilian.

And I had a "wow" moment today. Last night a very old [not old as in her age, friends for a long time] friend contacted me about trading Subscriptions for each others galas and I talked it over with my boss and she with hers and things are set. Now, when we met when we were 14, did we ever imagine we'd actually be working and benefiting from our nearly-10 year old friendship? I would've hoped so, but I could never have imagined it actually happening. I'm very grateful for her to be in my life - and look, we both got to look good for our fairly-new bosses! SCORE!

I'm going to have a low-key Friday night tonight after I get out of work, Prom Night should be in my mailbox when I get home, and I have laundry to do, and I might actually getting around to doing yoga. I know, you're all very jealous of my awesome Friday night.

The Ethical Slut

I am, for the first time in my life, dating two men at once. The term "dating" should be taken incredibly loosely - I've gone with one 4 times, and the other 3. I'm starting to feel horrible about it because the one that I think might care (and I think I'm just over-analyzing things), I keep imagining him finding out and being completely crushed and feeling used. The other one I know is not looking for anything serious or committed and I know he's seeing other people - so I don't think he'd care at all.

I know I'm still just at the "getting to know you" stage of things, so why do I feel so horrible and guilty? I think I like this other one though... so much so that I didn't sleep with him when I had the chance. And he didn't push it either - which makes me think he likes me as well. He's very affectionate, and extremely sweet. I loved laying in his arms outside.

Now the other guy is also quite great - don't think for a minute that he's a jerk, because he's anything but. He's just not looking for anything serious, and until I met this other guy, I thought I wasn't either (I still don't really know if I am or not, to tell the truth). But now I don't know.

I'm 2/3's the way through "The Ethical Slut," by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. It's a great book; very insightful and thought-provoking. It really makes us examine the 'values' by which we were raised (the idea that you can only have enough love and time for one person, for example). And I thought it was a really great concept until I was presented with my current dilemma.

Please feel free to post your comments here, I'd love to hear other peoples opinions. In closing, I'm not sure my conscience is ready for complete sluthood yet, or ever.

NOT Carrie Bradshaw!

I unpacked a truck load of stuff today in my apartment, organized my books, and baked cookies!... No, you don't understand, I baked cookies from scratch which is amazing considering I've burnt everything from toast to Lean Cuisines. I've made slice&bakes pretty steadily for the past few years. I was feeling adventurous today.

Anyways - from posting the address to my blog on a few Live Journal communities came several hateful comments on the threads and then on my blog. I deleted the comments that were posted here - but after a confidence booster from a friend, I've decided to leave any further comments that are posted. But let me dispel a few assumptions...

*I am NOT trying to be a Sex and the City, or Carrie Bradshaw, protege. I mentioned and quoted the show in a couple of my past entries because it was relevant. I don't write a weekly column or obsess over fashion. In fact, I detest shopping. Though I do like Cosmopolitans...

*Pink has been my favorite color since I was 14 - I hadn't watched a single episode [of Sex and the City] until this past January.

*What do cupcakes have to do with Sex and the City? That picture was from a small article that I had in Time Out New York a couple of weeks ago. I like to go to different bakeries in the city - and I happen to love cupcakes.

I never stated in this blog that it would be detailing my dating life in New York City, or my advice on dating - in fact, my first real entry had nothing to do with dating, simply my love for New York. This is simply an outlet for me to write down my thoughts - and on my mind lately has been a lot having to do with dating. I have a long-overdue dinner date with my two best friends from school so I'm very excited for that!

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by, and please keep on reading! Now if you excuse me, I have some cookies to go eat . . .

The Rules That Everyone Wants Me To Follow

... even myself sometimes! It's something that I'm trying to break free of. Some of the rules I'm thinking of are to "never call a guy first," or "call him back at least 3 days later," or "never kiss on a first date," or "never appear to available," or "wait at least 10 dates before sleeping with him!" ... the list never ends!

I've believed and tried to follow some of these rules while dating in the city - but I honestly think it's all a load of bullshit. I think that trying to appear "unavailable" or waiting at least 3 days to call a guy [back] is just playing games. And I don't think it's any good way to get to know someone. If you like someone and you want to see them or talk to them, THEN CALL THEM!!! Take a chance and ask them out first. The other person may be impressed with your forthrightness.

If you have no intention of getting to know the person, then sure, play with their head, fuck them, and then never think about them again. It's not a very nice thing to do though - ladies, if all you want is sex from them, I would tell them straight up. Most guys, especially in Manhattan, will never turn down a girl who says, "I want to sleep with you, so how 'bout it?" Women, though, are taught to be coy and suppress their feelings, so of course, we aren't supposed to say anything like that.

Next myth: "If a guy really likes you, he'll wait to sleep with you."

Now I think this is very much true. If a guy really does care about you and your wishes as a person, he will wait - probably as long as you try to hold out for. But if you want it too, why make him (and yourself) wait?

The other side of the coin is that if you "give it up" too easily, they'll lose interest right away, think you're a whore, you're easy, a slut, etc. I've slept with a couple of guys right away - one I'm still seeing right now (and he's totally cool and respects me) and the other one or two didn't work out, but we at least listened to our instincts, played it safe, and did what felt natural to us.

It just brings about a lot of tension when you're both preoccupied with the "what is it okay to do on the (insert # date here) date?!" and not enjoying each others company and getting to know one another instead.

If you feel the connection and the chemistry - I say to go for it. I've never regretted it yet.

Unconditional New York Love

My two best friends from school revealed to me this week that they might not be staying in the city once they graduate. This came as a complete shock to me. I was expecting us all be in the city together after school, and forever (ala SATC). But this is out of my control and as they are two of my best friends, I'm going to, of course, support their choices (as much as I may object) and shut my mouth because if that's what they want, then I have to support them, as nothing less should be expected of me and I would expect nothing less of them as they have, for the most part, always supported me. One might move because of job opportunities and one may move because he has found himself hating the city after being here for almost 3.5 years for school - and he doesn't want to suffer living in Queens after school because that's all he thinks he could afford. My disbelief and upset from this news comes mainly out of selfishness - if they move away, I wouldn't be able to see them as easily and as often as now.

I think I am the only person I know who has unconditional, undying love for Manhattan right now. There is no way I would ever move away from this city - not for a career or for love. Since I was twelve or thirteen, I have known that this is where I'm going to live, and stay here I shall until I die.

I think that New York City is the epicenter of the world, especially for the line of work that I'm in (theatre). How could you expect to make a living working in theatre anywhere else? Of course, I say all this knowing how very lucky I am to have a chunk of money to help me pay my rent each month - so that helps. But even if I had to live with 3 roommates on East End Avenue, I would stay here. Nothing will ever uproot me from this rock we call Manhattan.

To quote Carrie Bradshaw:
"If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, then New York may just be mine...and I can't have nobody talkin' shit about my boyfriend."

First entry...

After keeping a "LiveJournal" through most of high school and college - I decided to start a new, more "adult" blog here on Blogger.com.

For starters, I'm 22 years old, graduated from a university in the city in May, and now work for the Abingdon Theatre Company as their Business/Box Office Associate. I love my job and my co-workers, and it's an all-around great place to start out my career in theatre.

I'm going to write all my thoughts down and everyone can read it, or they bitch about it - either way.